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my best friend really hurt me

Question Posted Wednesday May 27 2009, 4:58 am

we've been friends for over five years... but the last year i began to notice the extent of her devotion to this friendship... it seemed to me that i was the one putting so much effort into the relationship... we're both international students from france and where we met (in college) was far far away from home. I must say first that i really think she has issues... things i thought were irrelevant to our friendship until they proved otherwise.... for starters her mother brought up both her girls to be clingy and withdrawn... their dad is out of the picture since her second daughter was born.. he's back in Australia i think... both girls hang out with each other (the younger one is worse! her only friend is her older sister and she refuses to go out with out her mum and sister at 18, while my friend does leave the house on her own but only to be completely alone) both are very very extremely antisocial... anyway the older one doesn't have any female friends... and we met because i was the closest thing to home...

those she does have (like me for instance) she keeps at a distance only visible from her side... she revels in getting attention from boys (and being the only blond in the entire country, she gets the attention easily... happy with the worst guy out of them) really i've only ever seen her relatively loud and funny or human when she's around guys...

anyway so i had a horrible horrible year 2 years ago and i needed her help and asked... she didn't offer it and began to withdraw... all i needed from her was emotional support and her being there for me... at that point i'd returned to france and she was still in our college... so the distance doesn't help...
what hurts the most is that she pretends nothing is wrong and manipulated me to feel like i did something wrong to her (SAYING THAT I HURT HER BY PUTTING HER IN A POSITION WITH MY FAMILY -for telling them about the issue- AND OUR FRIENDS!!! even though the problem was between my ex and I and nothing to do with her,my family, the group who are mostly girls and who she doesn't like and who had nothing to do with any of it!!!) she stopped talking to me after i confronted her and thought i dealt with the problem... she made it seem like there was none and that my apology was accepted! (i still don't know what i apologized for!) even coming to my town when she was home for summer and spent 2 weeks with my family ... as if nothing was wrong and stepping out of her element away from her mum and sis....

me and my ex are best friends too but with me moving away things started to fade... and she took the opportunity to get closer to him and now they're best friends without me... sometimes i feel she does it purposely... with all the boys... but why this one?? he's probably the only other true friend she had besides me and 2 more guys ... and the fact that she accepted him into her circle (granted he is a guy) was a cue that i did have some higher standing in her friends list... i don't know why she is treating me this way now... did she need me for my social skills?? i don't understand... i mean she never ever invited me over... she never let me into her life.. but she was deeply immersed into mine!

i feel so hurt.. I've invested all this time and emotion not to mention stress over her and this is what i get...

i know i know let it go who needs friends like her... but its really hurting me that she could abandon me like this (i am not sure if she even considered me as a best friend or just an ear she could chew on for the time being) ... I might be going back to college to attend a friends graduation... naturally i won't call and tell her i am in town... what should i do if i see her around or if she calls... i am really hurt and there is no point in talking to her ... it's useless... she's manipulative and she's wittier than i when it comes to face to face confrontations... i tend to think about what people say instead of my own thoughts hindering me from saying everything i have in my heart...

How should i deal with her? i am cutting her from my life but what do i do incase i see her? i really don't want anything to do with her and even considering deleting all her emails and blocking her from facebook... i want to forget her... but i don't want her to know she got to me...

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ellyarmica answered Thursday May 28 2009, 2:17 am:
oh wow... I've had one of those... My advice to you is avoid her at all costs... they are more damage than you want in your life... and you CAN NOT FIX HER! she'll probably self destruct in an effort to retaliate and take out her own miserable little life on you... these people don't know what they have until it kicks them in face and even then they're still miserable....

[ ellyarmica's advice column | Ask ellyarmica A Question

mariahwannabe answered Wednesday May 27 2009, 4:05 pm:
It seems to me she relied on you at the start of the friendship,
for fun and confidence and social skills etc.

But when you went away, I think she had the get used
to the idea of standing on her own two feet, and
tried to fit in the environment. So, in fitting in,
and living in that community she has changed.

And it feels probarbly upsetting to you because
she no longer feels the need to depend on you.
She's gained her social skills and confidence,
and although you guys probarbly had a
good connection, and stuff, when you left -
she gained attention, and more friends.

She left that old life behind that you were part of.
I'm trying to put myself in her position,
and I think she fits in, she has friends
and quite frankly, in her eyes,
your just a set back...

She's changed, and you didnt.
and yes it hurts.

But at least you can turn around and see
that you're the bad person, you're
not the fake person. She is.

I think its time to move on.
You're a good person and you shouldt waste your time
on someone who doesnt deserve it.

She's hurt you and therefore doesnt deserve you.
And if she cared, she would of contacted or spoke to you etc
So that just shows how much she really cares about
your "friendship".

Just count yourself lucky, that she has the problems
and not you.

[ mariahwannabe's advice column | Ask mariahwannabe A Question

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