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My wife loves another man
My wife and I have been married for almost 6 years. Recently she developed a friendship with a man at work. They became really close and while I was away for work, he came over to say goodbye to her cause he was going away for work also, and things happened. There was no sex, but pretty close. After he left they were in contact for about a week online. She actually said she fell in love with him. I discovered this and confronted her. After a lot of conversation, we both wanted to work things out. She told him she couldn't talk to him anymore and we began to talk about ways to fix it. Now my question is, its been a couple of weeks and I have changed completely. I have told her coutless times how much I love her and many other things to show my affection. She hasn't at all. She still loves him, and this hurts. She says she wants to make it work, but she got caught. She didn't wake up and realize she made a mistake. What should I do?
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This needs professional help. The soundest advice that can be given is couple's therapy.
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I myself found myself in a very similar situation not to long ago, but in your case your wife wasclose to cheating, in my case it was me that actually did cheat on my husband. I think you should ask yourself what actually made your wife fall for another guy in the first place. Was it that you were not giving her the love and attention that she craved, were you not playing the husband role and taking care of your rresponsibilities at home? I was married to my husband for almost 9 years, we used to do everything together and we had an exciting marriage, until after about 2 years into marriage, my husband I guess decided that because we were already married he didn't have to try anymore, so he got relaxed in the marriage,everytime I wanted us to go out together he was always tired, we only had sex when he wanted it, he never paid me any attention anymore and the list goes on. I considered my self a very good wife to him, never in my wildest dreams would I have imagined cheating on him, but he refused to put any effort into the marriage. I just got really tired of this. I constantly told him about it, but i saw little effort on his part. He didn't want to go to counselling, and I didn't want to leave my marriage, so I stayed and put up with all his bull. It was not until a client at our office came in and he would alway flirt with me. One day he asked me out to lunch and I accepted, we talked alot on the phone, and I just found that he paid more attention to me than my husband did, and we ended up having an affair. Although I knew it was wrong to do, when someone else provides you with something you are not getting at home, like in my case, I longed for my husband to pay more attention to me, for him to make me feel like he really loved me, I never cared about material things that he could give me, I just wanted the love and attention. So maybe this is what your wife wants from you. As like your wife, I did fall in love with this other guy and I still am, although I ended the affair. It may be true that your wife is in love with this other guy, but that doesn't mean that she is not in love with you. I think it is important to have a talk with your wife and found out what made her fall for this other guy in the first place, find out if it was something that you were doing for her. Then you should shower her with love and affection, let her know that you love her, make her feel like your queen and I am sure she will treat you like her king. And for God's sake, please do not throw her affair in her face, because I am sure you will not make the situation any better. Your wife may still be in love with this other guy, but if you treat her the way she wants you to, I am sure you can and will win heart back again as you did in the begining. Good luck!
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You two need to go to couple's therapy. It is completely wrong for her to have done what she did. You shouldn't take full blame for it and change completely, if she's not going to do anything to try and salvage the relationship. By going to couple's therapy, your counselor will be able to show you each what mistakes you have made and set up a plan that will get you through the rough times. Since you would both be openly talking to him/her, they would know more details than have been given to us. Plus, they're trained and educated to handle things exactly like this.
This is such a difficult situation because if she loves this other guy, she can't just snap her fingers and make that stop. This should have never happened. She never should have gotten close enough to another man to let that happen. But what's done is done. You need to let her know how you feel. Let her know that you're not seeing a change in her at all. And tell her that you want to go to therapy. This will show that you really do care about her and the relationship enough to get professional help.
If she refuses to go to couple's therapy or the therapy does not change her and she continues to be in love with this man, sadly enough, it's time to move on. You're going to have to pick up the pieces and give them to someone else that will treat you how you deserve to be treated. You shouldn't jump to the conclusion that you're going to have to get a divorce yet. Just know that if things don't change, it could be the only solution in the future.
Sorry this happened and good luck.
Darby(:
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