|
Asexual Boyfriend?
Is it possible for a guy to cum from some sort of sexual stimulation, but not be mentally aroused/feeling what their penis is feeling?
I have been with my boyfriend of two years, and I ( a month or so ago) wanted to start experimenting in the handjob/ feeling each others' genitals department. Obviously I didn't want to do anything he didn't want to do. So I would ask him a lot if he was interested in that or whatnot, until at one point he said he would be okay with it. I always felt that it would be wrong to do something sexual he wasn't totally into, and would mention was that okay? That I want to do something you are not also really excited about doing? Too the point where maybe I was asking too much and should have just gone one way or another.
I figured, a few weeks ago, that I might as well go ahead and maybe he would end up enjoying it. While we were feeling each other up (or down?) he got kindof flushed, and he said that he felt something. He wouldn't tell me if he liked it or not, though... he said he didn't totally know.
After that I would play this dance where I would say I was worried about taking advantage of him, but then he would roll his eyes (like "you're not taking advantage of me!") and I would end up touching his penis anyway. I don't know if he's felt something since that one time.
Just today there was no one home and we both have spare so we took our shirts off and were pretty much making out... Anyway I started to give him a handjob and his penis was... well it was getting aroused, and he was touching me, too. Out of the blue he makes this totally in pain/grossed out/disgusted face and I'm like, "what?" At first I thought my vagina may be super giving out discharge, or I had hurt him somehow, but when I put my glasses on I see that he's upset because he's cummed all over his pants. "The male body is pretty gross" Was the first thing he said. Then he told me it (me feeling him up) didn't feel like anything.
My question is - since he's pretty much usually grossed out by the male sex drive/ male objectification of women, is it possible he is mentally shutting out the pleasure he's getting from anything sexual? I do know that he has the ability to shut out emotions; he's told me this. If this is the case, what should I do (should I do anything)? Is it possible that this is a situation thing, or that he will become more sexual in the future? And if I in any way get him to do something sexual that he doesn't get anything out of - is this wrong?
-- background info: We have been dating for two years and totally love each other. Even though he seems to not be aroused by my boobs or vulva, he loves kissing me - like, addicted to it, as well as holding me, cuddling, ect. We are both in gr 12 (I'm 18, he's 17) and are both virgins. Our relationship is totally satisfying for me otherwise so while this is a concern it is not a dealbreaker.
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
I noticed that you used "asexual" in the title of the question. Usually, when "asexual" is used to describe a person, it means that the person is not sexually attracted to anyone, and it does not necessarily imply a lack of ability to enjoy sexual activity, although most asexuals have no desire for it. Some asexual people do enjoy romantic relationships and kissing and cuddling, so keep in mind that it is not impossible for your boyfriend to be asexual but still love you.
(For more information about asexuality, go to the Asexual Visibility and Education Network. [Link](Mouse over link to see full location) )
Given that you said he said "The male body is pretty gross", this might just be it. His discomfort towards his own body could be the reason why he isn't enjoying sexual activity. Talk to him about it. Be careful not to make him feel uncomfortable though.
Of course, given that he's only 17, chances are that he just isn't ready. Take it easy. Do things that you both enjoy doing, and don't pressure him. You said he enjoys kissing and cuddling, so he can still show his affection towards you.
]
You should ask him how he feels about this whole situation. Talk to him.
From my personal opinion, I think you should stop if this is uncomfortable for him, but if he's fine with it, go ahead.
The only way to find out if he enjoys doing that or not is by asking him. Don't try to force him into doing something he doesn't enjoy.
]
More Questions: |