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Too obsessed with his past
I am 19, dating a 20 year old, and he is my first boyfriend. Not only that, but my first kiss, my first love, my first sex, my first everything. However, for him it is a different case. He has already told numerous girls that he loves them, and he has had sex with 11 other girls beside me within a 3 year time period (he was only in a serious relationship with 3 of those).
I feel bad, because we have been dating for 1 year 5 months but I STILL can not get over this. It disgusts me sometimes, makes me feel sad that I'm not his only, and makes me wish I had someone with less of a sexual past. People on other advice forums have constantly told me to get over myself, but the thing is it is easier to say than do. I would want so badly not to care about this because I love him, but it creeps back into my mind so often. The good thing is, I think about it less and less as the relationship progresses, but I want it to reach the point of NOTHING!!
Please don't call me selfish or tell me I need to get over myself. I dont need to hear that. I already know its crappy of me to focus on it so much.
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I can understand something like that is hard to forget.
But the best thing to do is not worry too much about it because if you guys have been together thing long and still have a strong relationship with no cheating or anything bad like that then try not to worry too much about it but still keep your eye out on him
good luck
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Theres nothing wrong with feeling this way. Have you tried talking to him about it? Maybe he could ease your mind about it. Those other girls may have been his number 1 then, but your his number 1 now. I don't think it'd hurt to talk to him about it. Now if he still talks about these other girls often, then you have a right to feel this way. Talk to him about it. I'm sure then everything will be cleared up.
Hope I helped, take care.
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Personally, I don't think your selfish at all.
When it comes to relationships, you would want to be with somebdy who was.........'pure' I guess the word is. Somebody who loves you and only you.
Knowing what your boyfriend has done in his past is a difficult thing to get over and something like that won't leave your mind that quickly. What the other people have said to isn't right at all. Trust me, I know the feeling. The hardest thing about your 1st love is that you never forget, again, I've gone through that and I'm still dealing with the Side Effects of it.
The best thing which I think you can do right now is to talk to him about it and see where he thinks the relationship is going. I say this because the vibe which I'm getting from this is that your not happy in this relationship. Talk to him and see what you think is best for you and for him. I would first though explore every option with him and see how you can make the relationship work: the first would be that he stops talking about the past and focuses on you.
I think that this relationship can be saved, but it must come from the two of you.
Don't hesitate to drop another question in my inbox or e-mail me.
I hope this helped,
triquetra
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First off I want to start by saying that I don't think it is silly or selfish of you to feel this way at all. It's completely natural. When you love someone you generally don't want to share them and especially since you have never been with anyone else yourself. As I see it you have two options. You can either just get over it and move on because there is nothing that can be done about it. he can't go back and not be with those people so there really is no point in dwelling on it and if you just can't seem to get past it then you may need to face the fact that you simply can't and end the relationship. If this is not an option for you then you can ask him about these past experiences. I know that is what worked for my husband and myself. Maybe if you learn about these past relationships and good or hopefully bad they were then it won't sting so much. I think that so often it is the unknown that eats us up. We tend to allow ourselves to believe or fear that what or who came before us may have been better and that tears us up inside. Perhaps if you find out just how he felt about these people and experiences you will be a little more at ease. If you have any questions or good news to report please let me know. Hope I helped, even if only just a little.
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