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Will she freak out?
I am 15/m and have been masturbating for almost a year.. and i like it.. but naturally i want more. i have known a girl since fourth grade that i have been friends with for a long time, now we're freshaman in high school and she's changed a lot. some times i even find myself thinking about her. and i guess you could say having "fantasies" about trying something sexual with her.. i dont mean like having sex but like getting a handjob or eating her out or fingering or even just masturbating with her. i don't know why i think about it so much..i just do. shes an attractive girl and im not bad myself and if she was willing i think she would go for it i am just thinking of the probable possibility of her flipping out and telling evry1.!.. i do not want a relationship just more of a friends w/ benefits tpe of thing.. i am not shy and im pretty convincing and i think she trusts me as a friend.. well i know she trusts me as a friend but i dont know how far it will go. i know it sounds kind of typical for a guy to say but her body is very nice, and find myself getting erections around her. WHAT DO I DO.. i really want to have her and me be FWBs and if she doesnt at least masturbate i think she is missing a lot.
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First off, I have to apologize for answering so incredibly late. I haven't been on here for the longest time, and that is completely my fault. A thousand times sorry. You've probably found your solution long ago, but I'm obliged to reply.
I'm in a dilemma here. I can give you a speech about how sexist and unfair your thoughts are, or I can accept that you're a guy, more importantly, that you're human, and your feelings are very natural. Keep in mind they can also be controlled. I guess I'll forget the fact that I'm a girl myself, and put myself in your shoes. I just have to warn you, if you've been friends with her for such a long time, this will definitely complicate things, probably even break her heart and result in the loss of a friend, but that's only if you go about it the wrong way. No matter how much I feel for her, you asked me a question and I'm answering it truthfully, for your happiness, not hers.
Things will be a whole lot easier if you know how she feels about you. Does she like you, is she shy, does she already have a boyfriend? One of the key differences between men and women is precisely this; the fact that while men are thinking about the now, women tend to think of the future (relationship wise, not generally). You say you don't want any strings attached, which is possible, but will be difficult if she likes you back, because if she does, it's likely in a loving way and not in the sexual way you regard her.
In other words, if she does like you back, it'll be easier for you to get what you want NOW, but will hurt your relationship LATER. It seems to me that it's a risk you're willing to take. Its impossible for me to guess how close you are to this girl, but I suggest you take a direct approach. Take a couple of days to show her your interest, make alone time, send her notes in class, and make sure touch her often, never inappropriately of course, just sweetly and non-creepy like, along with a lot of eye contact. She has to believe that you're the most tender guy there is (the last gentleman), and not interested in sex at all. The best way to a girl's heart is with romance. You can get her to feel more comfortable around you by making her laugh and exposing how much you both have in common, so she feels as though she can identify with you.
After you've given her enough attention, take her out to the movies, or for ice cream, or watch a movie at your house, anything that involves the both of you alone and in close proximity. Let her know your feelings, even if you have to bullshit your way through it. I feel guilty for telling you this, like a traitor to my own sex but, this is the way things are. This is simply my opinion, the way i'd like things to be done if I were her.
It also depends on what kind of girl she is. Has she had sex? Has she gotten her first kiss? I'm guessing she's also 15, and the way girls are today...it shouldn't be too hard. Tell her she's been on your mind a lot lately, and you can't look at any other girl that isn't her. If you're reeeally comfortable with her, you can tell her about your fantasies, see how she reacts. Its all up to you and how far you think you can push her.
Keep in mind that this isn't an instantaneaous thing. It takes time and effort to develop a sexual connection with (some) girls. All you can really do is offer the bait and hope she'll take it. If she doesn't, the world is full of girls. One last thing, the only way you can be "bad", is if you seem insecure, which you said you weren't . I would consider a guy to be "bad" if he was too hesitant, too shaky, and didn't know when to caress or when to hold me firmly. That's just me. Again, it depends on how far along she's been. She won't judge you if she has little experience, since she'll have nothing to compare you to. I doubt she'd tell people, since the only one who'd end up looking bad is her. That's the thing: a couple has sex, the girls ends up being "easy", while the guy is branded "cool". And for goodness' sake, make sure YOU don't tell anyone either, unless it's someone who'll never tell. That's a huge turn-off, especially if you want her to keep doing stuff with you.
Anyway, this is my advice to you. It may be useless, but to be fair, I think this is a question that should be asked to an older brother. An older guy with experience would definitely be more qualified to answer all your questions. I hope I wasn't
TOO late, and that I'm of some help to you. Feel free to ask me ANYTHING else, and thanks for condifing in me in the first place. Good luck =)
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Well, I think this is just a hormonal phase you're going through.
Although FWBs sounds like a good idea, it never is, and I can tell from experience.
It just fucks with you emotionally (and also physically). I personally think that you should stay away from that.
If you're only interested in her appearance and the your horniness, she shouldn't be a release for that, it's disrespectful to her as a person.
You can fantasize, but if you don't want a relation ship with her, don't got for FWBs.
Just stay friends and stick to your porn.
That would be the best thing to do. I know this isn't what you want to hear, but it's the right thing.
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That's kind of lame that you just want her only as "Friends with benefits." If you've known her for so long you should at least want a relationship. Otherwise something like that could ruin what you have right now. Ask her out, or get to know her as a person because that's the right thing to do. But your going to do what you want anyway in the end. Make sure you use a condom.
xoxo,
dottie4
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