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How do I get over the embarrassment of losing to my girlfriend?
I have a beautiful, sweet girlfriend and I am very happy with her in every way. She is a black belt in a martial art though. We are both in our early 20's. To make a long story short the other week a friend of mine asked if she could show him some self defense techniques. She said okay and asked him to try to grab her. He did and next thing she had put him on the ground.
My girlfriend is as feminine and nice as any girl, and my friend is about my size and I am 181 cm weighing 81 kgs – and I work out several times a week and I’m a strong guy. My girlfriend is 166 cm and weighs about 55 kg. I realize now that I was naive, underestimated her and that I had some subconscious macho attitude – but fact is I never would have thought that my girlfriend could take a guy down like that, even though I of course knew she was a black belt. I was completely shocked that she could take down my friend like that. Then I got to try grabbing her, but somehow within a second she had put me on my back. I just couldn't believe it. Then for a couple of minutes we took turns in trying to grab her and we did our best to wrestle her down, but it was simply impossible. She put us on the ground again and again as if we weighed nothing!
I think it’s so cool and good that she can defend herself like that. BUT: this was also the most embarrassing thing that has ever happened to me – by far. I don’t want to feel that way, but I do. Her martial art was basically created so that a smaller person would be able to beat a bigger and stronger one. I understand that now and I admire her skills, but I still can’t help feeling embarrassed. I'm so much bigger and stronger than her - and she's a girl!
How do I get over this? Considering that she is a black belt maybe I shouldn't even be embarrassed - but I am...
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Dude, you see it as a problem but it's really an opportunity. Don't get involved with a woman in martial arts unless you want to share that passion with her (and it is a passion of hers). There a few things you can practice to help make it more even, even though the years of training and her physical fitness (speed) are a big advantage. Next time your messing around with her, try a push kick, and practice it a lot switch legs. Striking arts are all about range, I bet you have much longer legs. You would be better off learning some Jujitsu and learning kick defense from your girlfriend. She can teach you a lot. Get into a program. If you work hard at, I bet you could make your size and strength an issue maybe an year from now, and you will be happy about the fitness you have achieved! My GF is a black belt instructor in Taekwondo, and I have to say it was the best thing in the world for me to be inspired to get back to things I used to do as a young adult. At first I couldn't take her either, but 6 months later and lot of relearning and I am goo because I can make size and weight an issue. Fortunately she's NOT wacked in the head, and I know how to nullify striking attacks with the feet, know jujtis (purple belt), and like Muay Thai style kicks. I have to go easy on her now, but if she were in contest shape that changes quickly, speed is deadly. Anyway we teach each other, but I wouldn't have an issue with learning from her. Deal with it or get out!
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You shouldnt be embarassed. As you said, her martial art is meant for smaller people to be able to defend themselves against bigger ones. The reason why she can toss both of you around like a rag doll is because she is trained in the art. You are not. If you were, you might be able to beat her.
You only feel embarassed because she beat you in something physical and you, being male, feel like you should dominate in that area. But if she beat you in a singing or dance competition, you wouldnt care. And I'm sure she doesnt see it as "she beat you and you lost". You guys asked her to show you some techniques. She did exactly what was asked of her.
You should be proud of her. Not many women are able to defend themselves in that way. At least you dont have to worry about her if shes out alone late at night. And if shes a black belt obviously she's been doing it for a long time. That shows dedication and shes hard working and those qualities are good to have in a partner.
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There is no trick to it: You just do it.
Obviously don’t fight her again.
It's okay to be embarrassed. We all have feelings that are irrational and pointless. That's fine. The important thing is not to let those feelings rule over us, or lead us to behave badly. You already know that your feelings aren’t justifiable, so there is really nothing left to do but remind yourself of that when the crop up. Eventually, if you don’t feed the monster, it will go away.
It’s not going to do you any good to dwell on it. It probably wont even do you any good to ‘talk it out’ with her. This isn’t her problem at all. She can’t do anything about the way you feel and it would be wrong of you to allow this particular embarrassment to become her problem or something she needs to protect you from. There are lots of women out there who will pretend to be weak for the sake of their guy’s ego; You should be very grateful to be with someone who doesn’t bullshit you like that. A woman who doesn’t play games like that is a treat.
But frankly babe, you have more then a little bit of a 'subconscious macho attitude' when you says things like 'and she's a girl!'. That isn't subconscious. That is right out there front and centre. You might want to work on that.
Take this as the growing experience it is. File it under ‘Things that I feel uncomfortable with, but are I know are cool’ and get back to the business of being her partner.
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