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MOMS???
ok i need some big help...its long...sorry...it all stated tue, when my boyfriend asked me to ask my mom if i can go with him to orlando for the week end...(now i just turned 18 but sinc still in high school and live in her house her rules) my parents are really striced they berly let me come home untill 11 so i didnt ahve any hopes of a yes besides my mother always says no of everything i really have to cry and beg for a yes... so when i ased her the next morning she said that he had to talk with his sisters...so they wouldnet let us sleep together (she doent know we're alreaddy haveing sex) i told her of course they werent that they had already told me i coulnt!(i lied) so she said ok! i was like is that a yes and she said yes! she was droping me off to school and i almost had a hart attack cause she said yes!! she never says yes! BUT that i had to talk to my dad.... i still didnt have any hopes but it was so nice to hear a yes form her! i felt so trusted by her....any ways that night i asked my dad and at first he was joking and playing saying no but when i mention that she had alreaddy said yes...she went NUTS and denied ever saying yes to me!!! i knew i wasnt going to go but why did she have to deny saying yes! I was so angry with her not because i didnt getto go but because i thought she trusted me enough to say yes! but i guess she didnt the next morning i was so angry with her for denying that she had said yes that i let my sister ride shot gun. After we droped them off she asked me why i had sat in the back and i told her that it was because i didnt want to deal with her. she said that she need to talk to me and if i was gonna lissin i said do i have a choose your gonna talk regarless. THan thats when she asked me if i wasnt ashamed of my slef sleeping with a man who doesnt love me... i was like what are you talking about.... thats when she satred saying that i was haveing sex with my boyfriend... and that i was a hore because after i brake up with him i was gonna got a new boyfriend i was going to sleep with him too and taht i was going to be a dirty whore...i asked her who had told her that because me had my boyfriend for 1year and my very first boyfriend at that have just resantly stared having sex he was my first and NOBODY KNOWS just because we didnt want it to get to my mother! so i knew nobody had told her... she told me not to wory about who told her and taht she didnt care if it was true or not that she wasnt going to believe me anyway... and that she wasnt going to take me to the docter to put me on brith control cause that was emberasing for her...that i wasnt aloud to go out with him anymore that if he wanted to see me he had to come over but only out side! The thing that im most angry about is that before she always wanted to be my friend! wanting me to tell her my things that she was going to give me advice and that she WAS going to put me on bith control! IM SO Angry at her!!! she made me feel like a whore and my boyfriend is upset because he thinks my mom just wants us to brake up after all me n him been thur we were planing on moving in together next year after one year out of high school! now i want to leave as soon as schools out! what should i do!
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Families?
You know what your 18 leagaly an adult so tell your mom shut up whore and deal with the fact i am moving into my boyfriends place and there is nothing you can do1
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Accept it, and ignore her.
In my opinion, no parent EVER has a reason to call their child nasty names. It's simply not acceptable behaviour from an adult, especially directed at their own child. Name-calling is the death of respect and compassion between two people. A parent should be held to a higher standard.
So take a deep breath, steel yourself against her bitterness and cruelty, and maintain your moral high ground by accepting you can't control what she thinks or says and accepting any punishment she doles out when you break her rules.
Now I'm going to do something I very, VERY, rarely do: I'm going to advise you to break any new ‘rules’ your mother tries to enforce as a response to what she believes about your sexual behaviour.
If you are going to do this, it’s important you do it respectfully and calmly. Don’t break any new rule ‘just cause’, break them only when they get in the way of you continuing on as you did before she got it into her head that you were having sex.
Rules that pre-date her discovery still stand: If you’ve always had an early curfew, continue to respect that. But if she suddenly decides you MUST go to the doctor with her, put your foot down and do not go. If she declares you can no longer be alone with your boyfriend in HIS home, remind her that although she can declare such rules about HER home, she has no business making rules about HIS and unless HIS parents agree.
If she restricts your time with your boyfriend, shake your head and calmly remind her that you are a young adult and perfectly free to choose who you spend your time with. Thank her for expressing her opinions about your friends and boyfriend, but calmly refuse to accept her opinions as rules governing your behaviour.
Any new ‘rules’ that stem from her belief about your sexual activity should be tossed out the window, gently, for two reasons: One, if you accept any new rules, you are validating her belief that you are sexually active, and more importantly, you are validating her belief that there is something WRONG with being sexually active. Accepting those new rules also validates her completely misguided idea that she can control what you do or do in a romantic relationship outside of her home.
It’s a GOOD thing to have a parent who is willing to fight for their values and who wants to defend you from yourself. Every time things start to get heated between you, every time you express your intention to break a rule (and you should always SAY when you are going to ignore a rule, sneaking around and doing it is not respectful and you lose your moral high ground if you are deceitful) a very good way to deal is to take a deep breath and THANK your mother for caring so much.
It is good that she cares that much. It’s GREAT! It might serve you well as you move on in life having a mom who is willing to stand up and fight for you and for what she believes is best. She does deserve a round of applause for that, so always give it her liberally and lovingly. Praise her openly for her values and for her ability to share them, but if you disagree with what the rules or the opinions she is expressing based on that caring, stand up for yourself against that. Remember you that it is okay to disagree, and within reason, to disobey.
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