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bf not getting hard, Helpp
3 months into going out w my boyfriend things got very heated and we tried to have sex. we were both kissing completely naked. i went to move foward sexually but i noticed he wasnt hard. he tried to help the and get himself hard but that didnt seem to work either. after a few more tries at seducing him i stopped and asked him if anything was wrong. he said no and that he didnt know what was going on so we left it at that. the next day we talked about it ad he said it had only happened once bfore with his first girlfriend and that he was sorry and embarrassed and didnt know what to say. i have a low self esteem so it hit me pretty hard and i thought i was the problem, even though that had never happened to me bfore with any other guy, but after talking to my girlfriends they made me feel as though it was something normal that happens to every guy once in a while. a couple months after that we tried again. this time he got hard only after i gave him oral sex and after i stopped i continue just kissing him and he went soft again so he asked me to do it once more. I did so and he got hard again, but as soon as he put the condom on to move foward, he got soft once more. we've been dating for 5 months now and honestly im terrified of trying again because i really dont know whats wrong. does anyone have anyy idea what it could be?? or what i should do?? or what i can say?? this has Never happened to me before and i really enjoy sex so i really hope i can figure this out soon! thanks!
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Aw Girl ,
its not you , its not that your doing anything wrong . i'm pretty sure its because he's very nervous, nervous that he may do the wrong thing to turn you off you know ?
Just tell him he doesn't have to be nervous , its you , you wont judge him .
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He is nervous as shit.
Guys can get hard for anyone. I promise, he could get hard for girls uglier than you.
He likes you alot, he's embarrassed as hell, and he was nervous about something the night of.
The getting hard and losing it thing clinches it. He can focus on pleasure enough to get hard, but once the condom is on the pleasure is gone and all he can focus on is how scared he is.
You need to help him relax. Find a way to get some time together. Alot of time, at least 6 hours. Get naked, stay naked, see if sex works. If it doesn't, tell him that its alright, you aren't upset about it. Watch a movie. Tickle him and wrestle around. Act like you normally act, only naked. If sex doesn't happen, talk to him about it.
Try something like this.
"I wanted to tell you, in case you didn't know, that I want to sleep with you just because I want to be with you any way we can. If you're not OK for sex, thats fine with me. I want you, but I'm more than willing to wait until you're ready, and I'm more than willing to try as much as it takes to figure this out with you. This isn't about performance, this is about being connected to each other, and I don't have to have sex with you to get that.
But it would still be fun [Wink]"
Let him talk if he needs to, or drop it if he'd rather not take the conversation further. Encourage him to talk, and tell him that you want him to tell you if something isn't OK. That he's well within his rights to ask you to stop something if he needs you to. But at the same time, you're going to keep initiating and keep trying, because you want to be with him, and its something that will be worth the wait whenever it comes.
Its not about you. Its about him, and his nervousness, his worries that he won't be any good, etc. He's probably scared he's going to get dumped in a few days if he can't man up and have sex. Sadly, thats probably going to make it harder still for him. Head him off at the pass, bring this up, and let him know that you aren't going anywhere because of it.
You're fine, he's not. Be gentle with him, be comforting, and help him work his way through whatever is going through his head.
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Hey im 17 and a guy. iv been with one girl who ever gone further than kissing she grabbed me down there and i was semi hard but not full. i was very nervous though like shakey nervous. Is he a nervous kind of guy when he goes out of his comfort zone? BEing nervous somtimes makes mr,wiggley not wanna stand up for a standing ovation heh heh.
hope i helped a little ;D gd luck next time.
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when you guys get too close to having sex, he gets nervous, and therefore not hard. try to get him to relax.
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Its a strange thing to hear two things are possible here: first which is probably strange to think and probably not true he isn't turned on easily, seen this done that nothing new. Soulution: viagra or any of that other stuff its made for a reason. Another thing is he could be waiting to long to start or already pleasured himself to much. If your open tell him not to lol have him wait then try. Hope this helps xp
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