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Issues with love/romance in general.
I am an eighteen years old female. And, according to the notes below, I'm supposed to say where I'm from, so. English isn't my first language, and I'm from Taiwan. And this also got WAY too long.
While it's not too uncommon for an eighteen year old to never have had a love life at all (it's common around here, anyway), I've also never actively longed for a love life. When people around me started having crushes or at least interest at the people around them, I was immersed in anime.
I am fairly certain I'm a straight female with no sexual confusion. I'm not quite sure how to explain this, but I've always been interested in gender studies and that's the conclusion I came to.
However, I do have issues with what's it about being female. I hate it when people mention gender around me, and it's not just about equality (though yes, I will hit back if anyone suggests inequality between all genders). Not only that, but I also get uncomfortable whenever I'm conscious of being, basically, a girl. I have trouble wearing skirts and dresses because they make me feel too conscious of myself. I know the clothings have nothing to do with gender, but I just can't manage being self conscious.
I think my mom's starting to think I'm either lying to her or that I have problems. The latter's the case, but it's kind of embarrassing when it seems like your mom is trying to hint that your sexual orientation might be not quite normal. I can't manage to be interested in the guys around me. My mom asks me whether there's anything in my love life; whenever she meets my friends, she jokingly asks them to introduce me to guys. It's great that she's not trying to ban me from anything, but I'm just...not interested.
When people ask me whether I'm thinking of getting a boyfriend, I say no. People ask why. I ask back, why should I get a boyfriend? I understand that it's great having someone to get close to and understand, but I don't understand the point in being active in a relationship. What should I, well, -do-, with a boyfriend? I don't want to sit under the moon doing nothing. I find no point in eating out together with no reason. I'm too lazy to think of giving presents and celebrating holidays together. I don't want to hold hands. More like, I don't want physical contact. I have trouble meeting people's eyes anyway so I don't want to stare lovingly at each other.
Another point may be that I don't have many friends, either. And I don't have any close friends at all. I have a group or two of people I know better than others, but I don't actively seek them out much. Occasionally, I get lonely, but other times I'm alright. And this isn't a question about my friendships, so ignoring this for now.
I'm also usually aware if someone around me might be interested in me romantically. I try to disregard it all as being close friends, but I'm not wrong often. Admittedly, there hasn't been that many, but I'm conscious enough about all my issues to realize it. I don't mind people trying to get closer to me. I'm shy when it comes to physically contact, but I sometimes flirt back verbally. Most of the time, I try to remind myself that I'm not that interesting and attractive, so there shouldn't be any reason anyone's interested in me as more than friends.
However, -if- I start being certain that someone's interested in me (because they confessed, or because someone else hinted it, or they hinted it themselves), I also start being extremely uncomfortable around the person. And it's not just a matter of staying friends. I start disliking the person, not because I don't like anything about him, but simply because he's intruding my safety bubble. I wonder what he sees in me, and I think about changing whatever it is. I don't understand what anything about me could attract anybody, resulting in me thinking worse of myself and feeling unsafe. I just...don't know anymore.
I read and yes, write, stories about couples. Usually not exactly romance, but I don't mind the genre either. I find it great that people around me might be having a healthy relationship. I smile when I sense someone having a sweet love life. I just don't have one at all.
Any advice on what I should do? Sorry this got a little long, but I've given this a lot of thought, and it's been an issue for quite a while.
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Hi! What you just said sounds very much like my case:
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I am also 19 years old and having the same, i think, issues as you but the exception that even though I'm not interested in love or want to be in a relationship, I met somebody who I like incredibly a lot. And yet I am not doing anything bout it. But as for you, if you don't want to have a boyfriend or aren't interested in anybody then don't worry about it too much. You shouldn't be affected by your mother or your friends, because it's a matter of choice. You shouldn't start a relationship it's somebody because it's "normal" if you don't like him as more than a friend. Stay true to yourself and do whatever makes you feel best. When it coms to the guys that like you and you try to avoid and start hating (because of our "safety" bubble), well you can't just start liking them again as friends or acquaintances. If you feel uncomfortable around them that's fine; as long as you remember to treat them with respect and not hut them unintentionally by showing them your dislike for them. I always try to treat them nicely, because of the fact that they like - after all they find something good in me and give me affection.
So what I want to say is that you shouldn't change the way you are. Do whatever you feel is right and whatever makes you feel comfortable. The only thing you need to change is the way you treat the guys who like you, if not for anything else then out of respect that they give you such affections.
Someone told me that even though this answer works for me now, when it will create many problems when I meet someone who I really like. If your case is the same as mine, I want to say that they are right (I have many problems because of the guy I currently like). But i think that you can worry about that when it really does happen.
I hope my answer makes sense (in all honesty I'm typing like crazy because I'm late for work, but I really wanted to answer this question lol).
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