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I'm clueless when it comes to guys
I'm 19 & there is a 22 year old guy I've been talking to since Nov 2008 and we've only hung out one time. When we did I made the IDIOT mistake of having sex with him in hopes of him liking me more I guess. Well I haven't done anything with him or anyone since then and he texts me almost daily. He always initiates the texts too. When we text it's always friendly and a little flirty. In Dec 2008 I told him that I like him and that I don't just have sex with guys and that basically I'm not a whore. He replied with "I don't think you're a whore at all. I'm flattered but I'm not interested in a relationship at all as of right now. But you're a very nice girl." It was understandable because he got out of a 2 year relationship in Oct 2008 where he was used and hurt. I felt rejected and left him alone, but he always texts me or messages me on myspace. He’s never asked me if I want to spend time with him or anything. Finally I brought up hanging out sometime since it seemed like he wasn’t going to ask. He said that we can for sure the next time he's off, because he works quite a bit.
Does it seem like he likes me as more than just a friend? Should I wait for him to be ready for a relationship, or should I just move on? I feel like if I wait then he will see I'm worth it because I waited for him. He's a nice and respectful guy and I know he isn't interested in just sex with me because he never mentions or implies it. When we text he tries to impress me at times and likes sharing things he's interested in with me. I really do like him.
Now there’s another guy who I just met who contacted me about 2 weeks ago. I’ve talked to him on the phone several times since he frequently calls. I don’t know him well and he is already pressuring me into dating him. He knows nothing about this other guy I like either. This new guy says that he really likes me and wants to date me and said, “Well I want an answer today if you want to date me because I’m not gonna wait around. If you say no I’ll just move on.” He’s a cool guy but I barely know him and I explained that I’d like to get to know him better. He said that never works with him in relationships and that it’s better to just jump into it. I wasn't the one who even contacted this guy, he found me. I’m really into the first guy that I mentioned anyway and I don’t want to blow it by dating someone else when this guy I really like could potentially like me as well. So I don’t know if I should move on because I’ve waited 5 months for this first guy. Maybe it would be worth it to hold on longer? Sorry it’s such a long question, I’m totally confused.
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First off, thanks for writing. This is the first direct question i've received on here so I hope I can help.
The 22 year old guy does seem pretty genuine. I was in a similar situation of his once where I met someone barely 2 weeks after getting out of a 2 year relationship. We hit it off very well and were very flirty off the bat. Although I pulled back a bit too because I had just gotten out of a relationship. My state of mind, and maybe his is the same too, is that I respected this girl so much that I didn't want it to be a rebound thing, y'know? If he's continued to talk to you this long after your one meeting, I think he probably does like you or at least wants to get to know you more. He seems to be reaching out to you if he's the one initiating wanting to talk all the time. So, it's very possible he sees something. Maybe he's just hesitant to initiate another physical meeting because he thinks that you think he's just expecting sex. Maybe you should push him along and ask him if he wants to have lunch sometime? A lunch date is very safe, it's casual, and there's no pressure. Get to know each other more, build up a friendship, and then if the chemistry is there, i'm sure it'll take you where you want it to go.
Do not give in to this other guy. He sounds like a dick to be quite frank. He was the one that contacted you and he seems like he's pestering you and he wants to give you an ultimatum? He seems pretty controlling. I don't think you want that.
Go with your gut and talk to the first guy. Kind of give it a new start, and just try to resist the temptation of sex early on if it comes up. If he's understanding and respectful enough (which he does seem), he won't mind.
I hope I could be of help. Best of luck and you can feel free to write me more if you need anymore advice!
Peace,
Lou
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