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has he made me this way?
hey..ive been asking you many questions about the same situation. it was this. i met a freshman at my friends house, i slept over, we started to like eachother, only he didnt like ME he liked me sexually and only thought of me in that way. in january he asked me to give him a handjob, this was over computer, he meant for the next time i see him. i said i would. and ever since that day its gotten worse and he convinced me to have sex with him. we didnt, because last saturday after saying he would come, he never went to our friends house. i bitched him out over the computer and was asking why never came, heres a little sample-
me:
do you know what what you did wasnt right though.
that what8
that what**
him:
idc it wasnt bad
me:
it just seems like you used me to help you jack off and tried to get pictures out of me but u never actually wanted to see me, am i right
him:
no
me:
okk haha whatever let me know when you decide to answer my question then..i bet you dont even know why tou did it either ha
him:
im not avoiding it god im not scared jesus fuckin christ your such a whore
me:
who do you think you are?
you dont call me a whore.
your a freshman.
im a sophomore. dont ever call me a whore again.
so yeah then he IMed me..monday..and was like i heard you said ew when we were talking saturday night. and i was like i said ew because you called me a whore. and then he said, oh im sorry bout all that and i said, its ok i guess..and he said, im really sorry i blew off and i really do want to do those things like i wont make plans and i said, yeah but im going to be away this weekend..weekend after maybe..and he said, ugh yeah and you still want it. and then i said, i dont know..after you called me those things..it just hurts. and all he said was, yeah im really sorry baby
i know that he just wants ass. he doesnt care about me, or what i have to say, unless it involves me saying what im gonna do to him when i see him. which, by the way, isnt happening anymore. my friends mom isnt letting anyone over because there moving out in 3 days after that day would have been. i was crying when she told me..because i realized id never see him again..ever. i even asked if maybe i could go to his house and do it or maybe that would be a bad idea..but he said it prob wouldnt work unless his parents were gone for a while.
OKAY- basically im posting this because...ive come to realize..for some strange reason..i really really crave boy attention. all the time. so much that sometimes i think about being a stripper or something when im older and have nothing better to do. when someone knew me, they would NOT think id do that. i dont seem like a slut..its almost like..i kind of want to be. and the crazy fucked up reason that i wanted to see this kid so badly is because..he gave me sexual attention, and i liked it.
i never used to be this way. i used to want a guy who liked me for me, and not my looks or body. even when this kid started talking to me, i wasnt like this. the day i said id give him a handjob, it got this way. now its almost like i WANTED to give him those things. like i used to not want to. at all. but i actually kind of wanted to give him a blowjob and a handjob..as crazy as that sounds. i neverr was like this. and no, it isnt hormones. its him. he has brainwashed me. i swear. i actually think he has made me into that worthless slut he wanted me to be. im not kidding. good job! your plan worked, asshole!
i kind of want to be a slut..thats not normal. something is wrong with me..i know its him thats done this to me. i used to have self respect. now i have 0. please explain why im having thoughts on being a stripper when i get older. that isnt normal. and ive become addicted to male attention.
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You are wrong.
Wrong.
No one can make you feel anything about yourself that you don't allow them to make you feel. You have a craving for male attention. He didn't create that, the mere fact that you've asked me numerous questions is proof.
The fact that the only interest in you hes willing to show is sexual interest is because he's a douchebag.
Yet, in spite of knowing this, and knowing that all he wants is a slut, you stayed around him. There are plenty of other guys you could find genuine care and respect from, but you can't seem to walk away from this guy.
It almost feels like you're trying to prove to yourself that this guy can like you for more than sex, as if you're staking your self worth on it.
You don't seem to get that you have no control over it, and need to stop trying.
You entered new territory. And at this point, the only thing standing in your way is YOU.
Thats right, YOU.
YOU are the one not walking away.
YOU are the one who gives this guy attention.
YOU are the one who is investing yourself in what this guy thinks.
Whether you want to face it or not, you're making a daily decision to be around this guy.
You need to stop friggin talking to him, you need to stop trying to blame him for traits you possess.
Let me explain something to you. You're horny. This is not bad, its not unusual, and at your age its relatively expected. Teens don't usually get the full impact of what puberty is. The hormones directly responsible for sexual desire and arousal are being produced for no particular reason. Guys in puberty get hard sometimes for absolutely NO reason. Its not because you're this super slut in hiding that he created, its because you're a normal damned teenager with a high sex drive.
You need to get a grip on that fact and start acting more like an adult. Adults know its OK to be horny and control it until they know its the right time to act on it.
As far as the desires to be a stripper, thats partially an expression of that high sex drive. Some people have higher drives than others. Its a fact of life. Everyone loves attention from the opposite sex, but the hornier you are the more attractive the prospect is.
I say the same thing I say to all girls like you.
Find a guy you like. A guy you fall for. Make sure that guy falls for you. And let all that rampant sexuality be kind of a gift you give him.
Thats what I did. I found a girl who is almost as sexual as I am, and I save that sexuality for her. I've opened for her a world of infinite possibility where sex is concerned, there is absolutely nothing she would ever want to do that I would not be able to be OK with.
The bottom line here.
Everyone wants to be liked for who they are, and everyone wants to be sexually appealing. The problem for you is that puberty combined with a high natural drive for sex is making the sexually appealing part even stronger.
And given how little experience you have with it, its something you're curious about and want to explore.
Thats in no way a bad thing IF you act like an adult and only indulge it after the first category (a guy liking you for you) happens first.
Theres your solution. Rein yourself in, walk away from any guy who seems more interested in sex than in you. Find a guy who is interested in who you are, and likes talking to you as much as he likes kissing you.
When you finally find a guy like that, let your freak flag fly.
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