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it puts a bad feeling in my stomach
just over a year ago, i was sexually assaulted by a boyfriend when i fell asleep, and wonder to this day if i would have been raped if i hadn't woke up. i think that changed my outlook on things, guys especially, a lot! i hate how these days, people use the verb "raped" so casually. people at school do it all the time, a couple of my friends included, whether it's saying they "raped" someone in a game, or joking around saying "i'll rape you!" and the other person says "ooh i'd love that". whatever it is. you know what i mean, just the way people use it so loosely. i hate it. it gives me a sickening feeling to hear it. i've come close to saying something to people who use it casually at school and stuff, but i cant bring myself to do it. besides the guy who did, only three people know about it, one of which is my mom. one is my cousin, who is my absolute best friend who i trust with all my information, and one is a friend who doesn't personally know the guy that did it. i feel like if i say something to these people, i'll have to explain why i dont like it, or it'll seem really personal, and i dont want to have to explain myself. that's not information that i want to go around sharing. i dont fully trust any of my friends, except my cousin, and that's not something i plan on telling them. but also if i say something, i feel the truth will be written all over my face. but on the other hand, i hate to hear people talk like that, and i feel like if i did say something, people would stop, at least around me. what can i do in this situation? every time i hear those words.. rape, molest, anything.. it brings me back to that day, and i can remember exactly how i felt. should i speak up, or keep my mouth shut?
also, i DONT want to go talk to a therapist or anything like that, so please dont suggest it. i'm not depressed or torn up and this doesn't interfere with my everyday life. i just hate when the subject is brought up.
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In this situation, My oppinion would be to ask your friends not to use those words so loosely. Just remember that its not your fault so you should tell them if they ask why. Just remember that you need to do something to get back something. So you'll have to tell your friends but you won't have to deal with them useing those words for the rest of the time there your friends.
Hope this helped!
Tash123
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Hi :)
To be honest, I believe you should speak up. These people who hang out with are your friends, and if they are good friends, they'll do whatever they can to stop making you feel uncomfortable. Of course, they probably will ask "Why?", but that's your choice on whether to tell them or not. If you don't, just simply ask them in a nice manner to stop, that it just makes you feel uneasy, and it pushes you away from interacting with them. I know that if a friend were to say that to me, I'd stop immediately, whether or not they told me the reason. It all depends on whether they are good friends or not, and their maturity level as well. Good luck, and keep your head up!@
Uniq :]
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First of all, I'm so sorry you had to experience something like that. I had the same experience with my boyfriend, & that led to him raping me later, but I completely understand being upset over the casual use of the words. Some people aren't meaning it to hurt anyone's feelings, though, they just use it without thinking of the full meaning of it. It gets annoying, but if you said anything, it might lead to lots of questions you may not want to answer. However, if it does continue, just tell the person doing it that they shouldn't say things like that because it might upset people.
I know you don't want to hear this, but therapy can be a great thing. It never interfered with my life until recently, & it kind of makes me wish I'd gone to therapy. Another option is this amazing site called Pandora's Aquarium. Here's the link: [Link](Mouse over link to see full location). It's a forum for survivors of sexual assault & rape. It's so amazingly helpful. Everyone there can relate to each other in some way, & everyone's really nice & supportive. It also includes healing ideas.
Again, I'm so sorry this happened to you, & I hope I helped in some way.
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