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taking charge
My boyfriend likes when the girl is on top and he likes when they take charge and are really aggressive....well..i'm shy, and quiet. I've thought about pushing him onto the bed, holding him down and having my way with him but when it comes down to it and we're actually together..i dont know, i just dont do it. I'm not against it, I want to be more aggressive but I don't know how.
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I think the problem lies with being too analytical and always questioning yourself and holding yourself back because of fear. You try to reason with yourself but can't let yourself be spontaneous.
You need to figure out what makes you shy, what holds you back and what about sex or being in control has you worked up? It's obvious you are okay about the idea and have been responsible but just can't go there. It's all mental and not a physical inability. Is it something to do with body image or how you'll look?
You need to talk to him and tell him that you're shy, quiet and being in full control isn't something you are used to. Tell him you'd like to try things but at your own pace and that you fear disappointing him and embarrassment. If you can trust your partner 100% than you should be able to handle this together. Let your fear out to him. It may be all it takes.
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I used to have the same problem! Both my boyfriend and I are naturually more submissive, but SOMEONE has to take the role of dominant. One thing that really helped me get over the self-consciousness and nervousness is simply turning the lights off. When you get a little more secure in this new role, you can turn 'em on again. Another thing that I found really sexy, is blind-folding him and tying him up. ^^ He was completely at my mercy but at the same time I didn't feel uncomfortable, because a lot of it came from having him look at me. It's harder to just enjoy when you're trying to look sexy while doing it! And once you've discovered how much fun being the aggressive one can be, it'll just come naturally.
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Ok honestly that is how it was with my husband and I. You have to mix it up. I have found that a lot of foreplay helps me get more into the mood and want to be aggresive. So try more foreplaing. Hope this helps.
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