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I'm confused about my sexuality
I'm 18 years old and I've never had a boyfriend or even been kissed or anything like that. I've always been the "friend". Right now I'm really confused about my sexuality. I've noticed that attractive women make me really uncomfortable, and that I always avoid eye contact and generally just feel really awkward. I'm starting to wonder if the reason why I've never really clicked with any guy is because I'm just not capable of it. I tend to not be very feminine and my wardrobe consists of t shirts and jeans, unlike my friends who are all into designer fashion and trends. I keep telling myself that I'm not attracted to girls but I'm not sure. There is a guy that I kind of had a crush on and I still think about him a lot but I don't know if I have feelings for him or not. I'm just really confused right now and I feel like I can't talk to anyone about it. I really need some advice.
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
A lot of young adults and teenagers are in this same situation today. I understand that many people enjoy having same-sex relations; however, I honestly believe that many people are just very confused by what the media has fed them.
The media (movies, books, television, music) keeps feeding us this crap about NEEDING to be different. With that "need" has come the "need" to change our sexuality. It's fed to us every single day, take for example:
Will & Grace
"I kissed a girl" by Katy Perry
Jeffrey Starr
Ellen Degeneres
Seriously, Jeffrey Starr is a big hit and he's flamboyantly gay. Will and Grace was a huge show and the main characters are "wonderfully" gay. Ellen Degeneres has her own TV show and is a big star now because she's out and gay (seriously, what does she EVER do well?). Nothing is special about Katy Perry's song but it's been played on the radio so many times that people have it memorized. People are being told that homosexuality is glamorous, unique, and desirable--that's why there are more and more gay people every day.
The media can make you believe anything if you listen long enough. The media has told us to become more sexually promiscuous and we have. The media has told us that 13 year olds are equal to adults and we treat them like that now (and 13 year olds EXPECT to be treated as adults). The media tells us to buy this, that, and the other--and we DO! If we're open and listening, we're being sucked into it.
So many people have listened to the media about this that it's almost impossible to escape. Being homosexual now means entitlement, it seems. People WANT to be homosexual because now it means parades, attention, and even new rights. People who are homosexual believe they are special and unique now simply because they're homosexual. They can throw the, "They didn't hire me because they know I'm homosexual!" ticket even. It PAYS to be the "freak" now, you see, but we shouldn't want to be that sort of person at all.
There is NOTHING wrong with looking another female and thinking she is attractive. As a matter of fact, that is SUPPOSE to happen. You are suppose to be able to look at other human beings and say, "Wow, I wish I looked like that!" which is probably the feelings you REALLY have.
The reason question about this is:
Do you actually want to have gay sex with a female? THAT is what being bisexual or homosexual means--not looking at someone and going, "Gee, she's REALLY pretty. I wish I had that figure!" but actually desiring sexual relations with a woman.
It's okay to look at women and find them attractive. I have looked at women and thought, "Wow, she's really pretty!" just the same as I've looked at women and said, "Wow! I can't believe how horrible she looks!" Seeing someone of your same gender as attractive is equal to being able to see your same gender as ugly. It happens. It's why we have a drive to be physically appealing.
Why do you think they have muscular men, all greased up, on those shows advertising workout equipment for MEN? Because men think that is what looks good and want to be like those model men. Why do you think they have gorgeous girls wearing bikinis in an all-women bikini shop? Because women think that is attractive and what to look like those ladies. Not because they want bed those people.
Simply put, you're falling into the crowd. You're buying into what the media is feeding you. You're being manipulated into believing that your feelings must mean something sexual.
Life is not all sexual. Finding someone cute doesn't mean you want to sex them.
Please, before you "decide" anything, give it a lot more thought. Getting along with the opposite gender as friends more than your same gender doesn't mean you cannot have a relationship with the opposite gender. It just means that you're less feminine (and, hey, it could be the way you were raised). It doesn't mean that you'll never find a guy. And clothing style means NOTHING--you could dress differently at any time and be more girly if you would like. Some girls just like comfort more than style--and that doesn't make them homosexual either.
Lastly, you may be having feelings of strong admiration or embarrassment when you see such attractive females. It can be embarrassing if you feel that is what beauty is and it is something you do not have. It can mean a lot of things but it does not necessarily mean you must be homosexual.
If you have any more questions please feel free to ask me! :)
P.S. I don't think you're bisexual, metrosexual, or homosexual. I think you're an older teenage girl who has been fed a lot of bullshit for awhile.
...and, no, I'm not a homophobe. I'm just a person who recently woke up to the world around her. It's scary and I do pray that one day you'll be able to see what I see.
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hey if i was you i wouldn't worry about it you are either just really shy so thats why you are afraid or you are just to worried about it it is making you afraid. You might be strait you just havnt met the guy for you yet or a guy who really interested you or you might be bi but it doesnt matter now a days you can be who you want to be so just live your life dont be afraid of falling for girls or guys when you meet someone you want to be with and love and are extremly attracted to you it wont matter some straight people date people of the same sex for fun dont worry about it be yourself
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