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Back together - how do I handle it?
Hi, I'm 21 f, he's 23 m.
The basics: We dated for a few months almost three years ago, but broke up because he was having depression issues and couldn't handle our relationship on top of all that. We...didn't have the best time when we were together. Neither of us were really ourselves for various reasons. He was a little emotionally abusive, and I was insecure, borderline anorexic...etc...
So, we remained friends and hung out a lot over the past few years, growing together, having fun just doing nothing...We both had some trials and leaned on each other for support, and the one thing that hasn't changed is that we love each other. His family hates me, and that has stopped us from really being together, as we were both a little afraid of what they would do to him if we were to get back together. Recently, he had a conversation with them in which he admitted exactly how he felt about me, and they said they would accept me.
So, after both of us dating around a little and coming to the conclusion that we wanted to be with each other and no one else, we've decided to make it official again.
Whew. All right, so here's my problem: I'm so used to not being able to tell him how I feel about him, and not being able to show it that I feel like I don't know how to do either of those things anymore.
He voiced earlier today that he almost feels like I'm taking him for granted, and I'm definitely not. He could have anyone he wanted and he picked me. (Of course, I was in the same boat, and I made the same decision.) I mean, it feels like kind of a given to me that I have him...because I do, even after three years, both of us having met other people and hung out with them. I don't feel like he's about to walk away at any point, and I don't think I should feel that way.
But after three years of battles and holding back and pretending I can finally be honest and show him just how much I love him, and I don't know how to do it...which is odd, because I'm a writer. You'd think I'd be able to write him a love letter or something, but I'm not sure I know how to express it in words.
I'm also aware that our relationship is gonna be more difficult than normal because we didn't have the best past. We fought a lot, but we fought THROUGH things and made up every time. We're also not getting to know each other any more really, we've kind of been together, but we haven't. I feel like there's a lot of pressure for this to work, and I really want it to. We can't really afford relationship counseling, otherwise I might run it by him.
Any ideas, anyone? Any suggestions? I really want things to be good with us this time.
Thanks in advance!
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Here's my opinion:you should sit and think how you really feel about him,as well as have a talk with him and make an overview of your relationship so far.Love isn't an obligation.If you can't be yourself around him,then you've got the problem.There's no need for words when it comes to love.Actions are what matters.Don't pressure yourself-just let it go with the flow.
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Okay,
There is a saying and it goes something like this.
( If you pour your heart, You've given your blood.)
Basically, If you two were to concider marriage down the line than you wouldn't only be marrying him you'd be marrying his family. Therefore it is important that his family excepts you and they gain your trust.
No relationship that has a rusty past is going to be easy, You will have to work on exspressing yourself more even if it's not exactly in the best ways. If it is difficult for you than thinking romanticly might help a little.
For example: A card that says "I love you"
Or even doing nice things for him, Go for a walk have a nice conversation, Beach go for a picnic as the weather will soon be getting nicer. He might be feeling you are taking him for granted only because there is a gap in emotions. It could also be that you two just need to communicate more. If a relationship doesn't have good communication than you can bet on it, It might be a little rusty. If you two can't afford relationship counseling then you two are going to have to work on it together afterall communcation is the golden key in every relationship and a relationship should be 50/50.
BahaiMa22
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