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Taking Rite decision
I am married, for 5 years but i have spent very little time with my husband. He is always shouting & harassing me. He dont like to take me anywhere outside. He never cares for my feelings. He just want to satisfy himself physically with me. He also wants me to earn & give my salary to him. I have 2 small kids. I came to know, that before our marriage he had married a lady of different religion (Christian) but ended in divorce, He has hided this fact from me , it hurts me a lot. Am very unhappy, and feel miserable, i have lost all interest in life. Please help!
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A problem within all of this is that you clearly state you have spent very little time with your husband. Now, it was definately not right for him to hide important facts from you, like him being previously married, but if you two haven't ever had time to clearly communicate then maybe he felt it wasn't a big deal to you.
You need to sit down and talk to your husband about your feelings. He may think that everything is fine, that you don't like to interact much with him, that you don't like going out, and that you are enjoying having sexual relations with him.
Within five years you have two children but you say you have not spend much time with your husband. Are you two living apart or do you avoid him in the home? As a wife your duties are to tend to your husband. Your husband is suppose to lead you through life and show you the right way to God. Is it possible the way your husband is "treating" you is holy?
When your husband "shouts" and "harasses" you then you need to consider what is happening. Think about the scenario. Is he trying to get vital information through to you and is just having difficulty communicating is thoughts, ideas, etc. to you? Have you done something negative and he is trying to correct you? Is he under a lot of stress lately and is being overly aggressive in his speaking manner to you, simply by mistake? When he is yelling at you for some very unknown cause then you need to ask him, politely and calmly, to please quieten down and tell him that he is shouting (maybe he does not realize it). Be an understanding, caring wife. Help him calm down and then discuss things like civilized human beings.
If you do not tell your husband that you like to go out with him then how will he ever know that taking you out is good? He may feel that you are happier in the home rather than out and about. Tell him you'd like to go outside of the home with him sometimes and do things with him like having dinner, seeing a movie, shopping together, etc. Many women now enjoy staying at home and resting, especially when they aren't working, so he may feel that he's doing you a favor by letting you stay at home and "relax" when you're not working. I know a man that had a wife that was only happy when she was at home, relaxing, and she really hated going out of the house. If you're unhappy then SPEAK UP!
Your husband may be wanting your salary so that he can keep track of the money in the bank account. Many women tend to spend, spend, spend until they are broke and then turn toward credit cards. As your husband, he should help you avoid such situations to lessen the risk of financial embarrassment for your family. He may be asking you to provide extra income for the family because you (as a family) are on the verge of a financial crisis. If he has control over the bank account then maybe he is hinting to you that you two are in desperate need of money.
Your sexual activity needs to be discussed with your husband right away. If you feel that the act is not intimate but only fulfilling to him then he deserves to be told so that he can alter his behavior and attempt to please you. Many women have a very difficult time having an orgasm so it is possible that he feels he is pleasing you to the best of his ability. Please, discuss your sexual dissatisfaction with your husband immediately.
Ask him about his previous marriage. Ask him why he didn't come to you with this information beforehand. For all you know he felt embarrassed by the previous marriage and thought it best to not bring the subject up, in fear of hurting you and causing YOU embarrassment too.
If you do not communicate with your husband then your marriage will never last. If you do not sit down and tell him exactly how you feel all of the time then everything will fall apart. Your husband simply may be trying to be the best husband possible, keeping you safe from harm and embarrassment and feels he is doing a good job.
This man is your HUSBAND. You married him and vowed to work through all of your problems together the best ways you two know possible. Please tell your husband what is going on before making drastic decisions. Let him read what you wrote here even. Tell him the words, "I am thinking that we should divorce because of my unhappiness in this marriage..." and then explain everything to him. Do not hold back.
If you hold back this information then it is equal to him not telling you about his previous marriage. You simply cannot complain about him hiding previous marriage information when you will not tell him about the marriage you are in with him! Open up. Speak to him. Tell him your mind. Tell him what would make you happy. Ask him to fix the problems. Give the man a chance before flushing him down the toilet.
I hope that your marriage problems are solved easily and you find happiness with your husband. If you have any more questions please feel free to ask me! :)
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honey,
give up on him, he is definitely not worth the trouble and you deserve better. divorce his ass and find someone who will love and cherish you, take you out to dinner etc, better you to dump him then him to dump you.
good luck!
p.s. if you have any trouble you can ask me on my column
(sorry if i was abrupt)
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