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Father Left a Year ago!
My father left us Jan 2008. Him and my mother alwasy had issues but he officially took his stuff and left. He has slept in shelters, gone out with random women, put his name in the newspaper statign he was looking for a women. He left us with over 20 K in debt and now we have to go bankrupt because we dont have enough income. I REALLY want to go to school, and I have applied but recently I have had to support me and my mother with food and rent and so have of my savings are gone. Ive asked him for money and he says that if it will in any way help my mother he isnt giving me anything. I tried to keep a relationship (we never had a great relationship but he is a sweet funny man and he never wanted to harm anyone) When I think of him leaving all I remember is his smile and laughter, I dont even think of the arguements my parents used to have that would keep me up at 3 am. When I think about him leaving Its good because him and my motehr can move on, but I do miss having my father around, I dont want to ahve to choose between both parents but they arent leaving me any choice, I am gonna get married one day and I wont even be able to invite my own father, because I knwo it will cause alot of drama. I know you may say, its your wedding and your parents should put there differences aside, but they arent like that. I dont know what to do, he keeps calling me and I dont alwasy answer, I don't know what to say! I feel so angry at him but i still want to have a father. My sister cut all ties with him and she just recently moved out. My mother says she doesnt care if i talk to him but I know she does. I don't know how to talk to my dad becasue he is so stubborn, if you say something he doesnt want to hear he will get angry at you and not speak for weeks and then call and cry and apologize. I'm sick of my family and I am getting more stressed about my family and my financially situation more and more! WHAT DO I DO?
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Maybe give some free advice about: Families?
You don't say how old you are or what state you're from. If you are a minor, your father must pay child support. Your mother should go after your father for that support. Is some states your father would have to help pay for your college, too. Your mother isn't doing right by allowing him to skate. She needs to get to a lawyer so she can collect child support, especially since she is bankrupt. The court would force payments. Then again, if he doesn't work, that's like getting blood out of a stone.
Perhaps you could write him a letter. Make a list of the issues that you would like to convey to him. Everything from....1. Your need to eat, because you're hungry. 2. Your desire to go to college. 3. Your desire for him to be at your wedding someday. 4. Your need for a father. etc.
Then explain how his actions hurt and anger you and consume all your thoughts. Tell him this is no way for a young person to live and that you need your father and want your father in your life. I'd lay it all on the table, including the fact that he has an anger problem and obviously, other issues, too, but that should never be an excuse for abandoning your children. Ask him if he thinks it's acceptable to let his children go hungry in order to spite their mother? Who is the child here?
All you can do is reach out in this letter. The rest is up to him, and your mother.
I know it's very hard for you to go through this. This is not acceptable behavior on his part, nor is it acceptable behavior on your mothers part. Unfortunately, you are caught in the crossfire.
Good luck to you.
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wow, this is a serious question.
there's no way to wrap this one in a neat bundle, but your dad, no matter how much you love him,is a freakin deadbeat. you're probably better off keeping your mom as the preferred parent, she hasn't abandoned you with a mountain of debt yet, has she? as far as being the bread winner,start a monthly budget sheet with all your earnings on top, and the bills below, simple subtraction and at the end you've got your spending money. try to trim as much pork off, and save(or pay off that debt) as much as you can. you probably already do that, so I guess I didn't help any.
best of wishes and "sweet funny man" doesn't pay bills.
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