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should i cut ties and how to handle it
Hi ok so i am twenty three years old and i am currently going to beauty school to become a stylist. i have a loan for now to pay for school and wear i live. My parents and i have always had issues with our opinions and when we usually fight i am the one that gives in and disregards what my opinions are for the sake of staying together but for once i am at a breaking point. my parents are mad at me becuase i moved out of the apartment that i was living at for school to move in with my fiances familys house. I have my own room there and im not the kind of girl that will sleep in the same room as him because i think its disrespectful. but my parents are mad because there worried about my credit because i ended the lease early... my credit is fine my mother is very controlling and never cares to hear how i feel or what my values are she sees black and white nothing else. I am very hurt i am just trying to grow up and start my life yet she thinks i have to do everything her way and if i dont its seen as immature. I am not at all. ive paid for everything my car insurance and medical im sorry if this is confusing a little. Im just at a point where my fiances family is wonderful and i think i might be happy without my family but is it the right decision
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I understand your frustration with your family, but I do not think that cutting ties with them is the answer. It sounds like you need for your mother to realize that you are 23 and must make your own decisions. I think that she needs to understand that you have your own opinions from your own adult perspective and she cannot force you to share hers. It is very difficult to get to that point. You cannot change your mother, or anyone in your family for that matter, but they are your family. You can be part of your fiance's family as well, but it is a very different bond than what you would have with your own family.
I'm not sure how you'll get to that point with your family. That's something you will have to figure out on your own. In the mean time, just don't let them get to you. Listen to their opinions and take them into account, then make your own decision based on your own values. Eventually they should be reasonable and see that you can handle your own life and stop criticizing you.
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You don't have to cut ties.
If your parent's bring up subjects that are none of their business (at 23, your credit falls squarely into this category) simply refuse to talk about it, or listen to them talk about it.
You don't have to get angry, just tell them that its your business, you're keeping track of it, and you aren't going to justify your decisions to them as if you were 16 anymore. Be polite, but very firm.
If they go off onto a rant about "how you can't make good decisions" or something similar, let them wind down without saying anything, and give them the following speech (edited however you like)
"Mom, Dad, I am an adult. I am getting married, I am making my own decisions, and regardless of your opinions I will continue to do so.
I am your daughter, but I am not your little child anymore. I am capable of taking care of my own business, and while I may come to you for advice all the time, the unsolicited opinions and constant dismissal of the things I have accomplished because I do not do everything the way you would is both hurtful and rude.
I want to have an adult relationship with you, I want to be able to talk to you about my life without constantly being shown disapproval. All this is going to do is push me away. "
You need to start standing up for yourself more. You don't have to approach it with anger, simpy behave like an independent adult who is not in need of their approval to succeed, and hopefully they will fall in line.
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if you truly love your fiance, you will tell your family i love him, i love you too, but i have to live my life. full stop. simple as that.
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