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is age really an issue
My ex fiance said to me to call him when im older. We were so inlove,I don't understand why he would throw that away. Im 19 and female, he's 39, we have been together a year and a half. Is there anybody who's been in a similar situation? What can I do?
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The great equalizer is experience.
At 19, there is no possible way for you to be what a mature, normal 39 year old man needs. Its not a strike against you, NO 19 year old is capable of that.
If you were capable of being what he needed at 19, it would mark severe deficiencies in him.
When a guy gets older, its easier to seek younger women. Age jades you just a little bit, and a 19 year old like yourself probably provided him a refreshing break from the realities of his perceptions. Young people can do that for older people, regardless of the relationship. Parents go through this with their kids, you might have heard the term living vicariously through your kids, its because you get to watch your kids experience the wonders of the world for the first time, and it reminds you of what it felt like to be in their position yourself so many years ago.
Unfortunately, this is not a good basis for a mature relationship.
Date guys closer to your own age. At 19 you shouldn't be straying past early to mid 20s. The reason is, people older than this are not in the same stage of life you are. At 39 especially, this guy could have kids a few years younger than you. How are you supposed to relate to a guy who's had kids when you're still relatively fresh out of high school?
I'm sure it was wonderful for you. He can understand everything you're going through, give you (hopefully) good advice, empathize with you.
You can't do the same for him. You can't understand what its like having lived twice your current lifetime. Because the gap there is a gap of experience, and no amount of maturity makes up for a complete lack of experience.
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I just want to add to the previous comment. I don't know what kind of person you are, maybe you are mature for your age. I always have been. So you may feel like, what's wrong with me? I'm mature. But there are just things in life that you will never understand until you are old enough to experience them or be around peers that are experiencing them, your view on the world will change as you develop. So if he doesn't want you now, then it is not the right time for you two to be together. Maybe when you are older, you will not want him. I know my taste in men and what I wanted changed drasticly from when I was 19 to when I was 23ish. Date other men, get experience, learn their ways, see this as an opportunity. Hope this helps.
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well im definitely not in this situation. But he probably just wants you to go through more in life and have more experience. You are only 19 and is almost 40. 19 year olds are still going to clubs and in college where as 40 year olds are settled down and in a whole different stage of their life. He probably wnats you to be sure of what you want first, your still young and though you were in love he might not want to take your youth away from you and make you feel so commited when you have so much time left. If i were you id explore life outside of him, like your goals and desires and other relationships whether it be on a friendly level or intimate one. Just try and keep in touch with your ex-fiance so you guys dont have a complete falling out.
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