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I am tired of paying my 19 year old stepsons bills!
My husbands son lives with us. He is 19 years old. He had a job but got fired because he didnt go to work. He has been out of a job and hasnt even been looking for over 2 months now. When he DID have a job, he paid for his own cell phone bill and his car insurance. Now that he hasnt been working, my husband says that we have to pay for it until he gets another job. I am tired of paying over 100 dollars a month extra when we have a hard time paying our own bills the way it is. My husband and I have fought and fought over this issue. His son sleeps until noon or even later, comes and goes as he pleases, showers, eats, does his laundry, lays around and watches tv all day and does NOTHING at all to help around the house. I am at my wits end!! I work full time as does my husband. I work very hard at the job I do, and dont feel like I should have to help out a lazy no good 19 year old. What should I do??
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wow first of all u dont have to pay his bills now you dont want to be mean or anything so cut help wanted signs from the newpaper and talk to him and your husband he isnt your blood son so you dont have to give him your own money when he is being lazy not doing anything (even if he was your son hopefully you wouldnt do that either) the point is dont fight if your husband is making you give his son money open you husbands eyes up and show him that his son is lazy and needs to get a job your step son has hands and legs and hopefully a brain he is capable to WORK!!!!! dont fight with ur husband talk to him nicely and if he doesnt listen go straight to the problem and tell your step son he needs to get a job because you are having troubles paying your own bills. Remember there comes a time when the little birdy has to fly away from the nest and your step son is ready he just needs a push to get him to fly!!
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Ask your husband for his opinion. No accusations, no judgments, just questions.
Do you think there is limit to how much we should agree to support this boy?
Do you think there should be some responses if he continues not to look for work?
Do you think he should have some responsibilities around the house if he is living here rent free?
By asking your husbands these questions, rather then fighting with him, you are giving him a chance to express his own unhappiness and disappointment in this situation, and maybe making some steps towards making a plan on how to respond to this boy.
If you keep attacking his son, he will keep defending the boy.
Lay off for a few days, and then ASK your husband for his perspective on this. Don’t ask vicious or leading questions like ‘What are we going to do about this lazy bum!?’ ask gentle questions about your husbands perspective “What would you like to see happen?”
Hopefully, in letting him express his feelings, you two can find a few small things you both can agree on, such as giving him a few chores, or expressing to him that you expect him to hand out at least 2 resumes a week, or something like that. Small steps that you and your husband will both be able to get behind.
You might also ASK your husband about how long he feels it’s acceptable for the boy to live with you well unemployed. Will this situation be okay in 3 months? In 6 months?
The place to start here is to stop talking and instead listen to your husband’s perspective first. If you lay off the boy a bit, I bet you will find your husband will start to lean on him more and make more demands, but right now you are doing all the work for him. So step out of the middle and see what your husband does when he is left to deal with boy himself.
If he doesn’t think there is a problem with the current situation, and wont offer anyway to pressure his son or reduce your unhappiness, then you can start to think of your response. Your response should NOT be to bully and harass his son, but perhaps you feel that in order to continue to be able to financially support this boy and pay your own bills you will need to go without your husband’s favorite expensive foods to make up the difference. Perhaps because you need to spend more time cleaning up after a third person you will not be making dinner two nights a week, because you need some time to relax. Perhaps you need your husband to clean up the bathroom downstairs, because having to clean it is causing you too much resentment towards his son and you need some distance so you can be friendly with the boy… Think about ways you can take back what you need for yourself, and let your husband feel the burden of his son’s presence.
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