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She celebrates Hanukkah, but I do Christmas...
18/f
I'm in college, and I want to get my roommate something nice for the holidays because a lot of us are exchanging gifts. All of us, except for her, celebrate Christmas. She grew up in a Jewish household, so she celebrates Hanukkah.
Would it be okay to still get her a "holiday" gift. Would I just write Happy Hanukkah on the card?
We're doing a secret Santa, too. Should we invite her to participate or just leave it since she doesn't do Christmas?
What's the etiquette for that?
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Maybe give some free advice about: Etiquette?
Put yourself in your roommate's shoes. Would you want to be included (or at least invited to participate) in the ritual? Would you like to receive a card? What would you like to be done to you so that you don't feel like an outsider?
This is not a situation where "knowledge of the other person's religion" helps avoid a misstep. There's a funny incident in Charlie Wilson's War where the congressman goes to Pakistan and he's asked what he wants to drink. "Anything with alcohol in it." Well, that's a case where knowledge of the local culture will help change what you ask for.
In the Hanukkah situation, let's look at it from your position: Do you want to change your behavior toward someone who doesn't celebrate your religion? I've been to Kenya where I was invited to participate in local ceremonies and celebrations. The locals could have said, "Steve is a different religion, so let's leave him out." Instead, the locals made me feel included, and I could participate as much as I wanted without feeling that I had to agree with everything that they did.
Your impulse to include your roommate in your celebration of the season indicates that you are a compassionate person who is sensitive to the feelings of others. You don't want to impose your beliefs on them yet you have the desire to include them in your world. Who knows what can happen after you invite her to join you? Go ahead, secret Santa, holiday gift, send her a card, make her feel included!
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Well I've learned from a Jewish man that Hanukkah isn't as big of a deal as christmas is to christians. It's basically a competition because both seem to fall pretty close to each other. They're biggest holiday is called passover but they still do celebrate hanukah. I personally think that you should get her what any girl enjoys like make up, clothes she might like, or a giftcard. Even if she doesn't celebrate christmas she might feel a little left out that everyone gets a present except for her. Afterall, everyone likes presents.
hope I helped.
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There's nothing wrong with asking. Definitely get her opinion on whether she would like to be a part of the Secret Santa process. If she minds she would just say no. I mean, I'm not any religion and I celebrate other people's for fun. I love being a part of different cultures. It wouldn't be betraying her own if she participated.
You could write "Happy Holidays!" on the card without being specific as to Hanukkah or Christmas. I think that would be a good alternative.
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As long as she's not orthodox, it's perfectly acceptable to invite her to play secret Santa. I doubt she'll be offended, unless you know her to be offended by mention of anything non-Jewish or sacred. Secret Santa has turned into a pretty secular tradition over the years, though.
As for the "holiday" gift, as long as you don't buy her a wreath, get her a figurine of Mary, or write "MERRY CHRISTMAS, PRAISE JESUS!" on the card, you shouldn't run into any trouble.
An excuse for gift-giving is an excuse for gift-giving. There's no reason for someone to be left out of the festivities because he or she doesn't celebrate the same holiday as you do. She still celebrates a holiday. If you're worried she'll think you're being rude, ask her about her traditions. Let her teach you a little bit about her holiday and celebrate with her, and then you can invite her to do the same with you guilt-free. If she chooses to decline the secret Santa invitation based on religious issues, then that's fine. There's nothing insulting about being asked to play a game.
If you're still concerned, do a little Hanukkah research of your own to make sure whatever gift you'd like to get her is appropriate. But I do encourage you to use common sense in this.
I also wanted to note that I'm impressed you spelled Hanukkah correctly, and that you have such concern for your roommate's beliefs. Very kind of you.
Happy Holidays! ^_^
-Siren =)
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go ahead and ask her what she would like. hanukkah is traditionaly a gift giving holiday, so buying her a gift would be perfectly acceptable.
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I would research Hanukkah (I personally don't know much about it), and get her something that shows you made an effort to understand her point of view. I imagine that her family still exchanged gifts, so it would be more than appropriate to get her a gift.
You should definitely invite her to play secret Santa as well. Even if she doesn't believe the religious aspect, she probably wants to be included in her friends' celebration. At worst, she'll simply decline. Most people enjoy being included in their group of friends, and they are very hurt when they are left out.
If you are really concerned, you can talk to her about it, and ask about her beliefs. She has dealt with Christmas her whole life, so she probably knows what she expects. So just ask her!
Good luck and much love!
~TD
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