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marriage
OK...so me and this boy were talking about 7 months but we have only been together for about 2. Anyways it was love at first sight and we're crazy about each other, yesterday he actually got down on one knee and asked me to marry him...i love him and my answer is yes but i think we're too young for that.I'm 17 and hes 19 any advice is helpful.
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Heyy,
Umm well i agree with one person who said it would be a good idea to be engaged for a while. I mean that way you really get to know each other before you are married. However i was also crazy crazy in love at 17, and like i would have married the boy, seriously i would have. You know if he had asked me i would have been at the nearest chapel in vegas, but wow now i'm like so thankful that it never got to that, because yes i loved him, but no it would have not been a good marriage. I really don't think you should get married at 17, i mean you may be one of those lucky couples it works out for, but i think your instinct is spot on and you should wait a while. In any case wait till you have been dating a year, because like my mum always told me that like the first two years of the marraige is blissful and then reality sinks in. So, like you've only been together together 2 months, i would give it more time.
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First off, no one has said this yet... Congrats! I love love stories.
Now, I get to sound like a broken record. I don't think getting married at this point is a good idea. Young marriages (ie. under 21) are the hardest, and in the U.S. have the highest divorce rate. We love weddings; unfortunately, a lot of weddings these days lead to a lot of divorces--over 50%. That's not great odds, so when you get married you want to SET YOURSELF UP FOR SUCCESS. I say this all the time because I am passionate about it! Relationships are so hard; there's no need to make it harder.
You are so smart for questioning getting married this young. I am always shocked when I meet people younger than myself that are married. However, I understand what you are going through. My boyfriend and I started talking about marriage around 10 months together--I was 17, and I thought that it would be the greatest thing, that we loved each other and we could make it through anything. Now I am 20 and I am so glad that I am not married yet. Granted, I don't lead such a college-party-girl sort of lifestyle that I might have had I been single, but I have still grown and developed outside of my relationship with my boyfriend. I've gained a little perspective on life, and I have learned what I expect from myself and my boyfriend. I can't imagine being married at this point in my life. I can't wait to get married, but I'm also enthralled with this point in my life (finances excluded...), and, if you are wondering, we are planning on getting married after he gets out of law school; we'll be around 23 and 24. Still young, but we'll have been together about seven years, and hopefully we'll be ready by then, lol!
So, stay with this guy if you love him and believe in the relationship, but there is absolutely no shame in waiting to get married! Good luck and much love!
~TD
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Just adding on to the answer below me...(or i might be repeating, I didn't get to finish reading it)...
You've only been together 2 months...even 7 months if you want to look at it that way. You'd be surprised about what you can still learn about each other a year into a relationship. And those things you learn can make or break a relaionship. Age aside (because you are too young), you simply don't know each other that well regardless of how well you think you know him. I swore I knew everything to know about my boyfriend at 6 months but over a year into it now, theres so many things I've learned about him just recently and its surprising.
Also, you haven't gone to college yet either. College changes so many people in so many ways. Most people will promise you that they were not the same person as they were before they went to college. Theres just so many new experiances to go through that will shape you as a person and make you realize who you are, who you want to be, and who you want to be with.
Im not saying you and him aren't meant to be becuase you might be made for each other but give yourself the time to make sure of yourself and your relationship.
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Simply put, I think you're way too young to be making these sorts of decisions. I also think it's way too soon into the relationship to decide if you want to spend the rest of your life with someone.
I know it may seem like you two have everything planned out. I also know that it may seem like you have a perfect relationship; however, you're both going through some tough, life-changing years right now. You two really shouldn't be worrying about marriage quite yet. If you love each other, then give yourselves time to grow up a little, and I mean this in the most pleasantest way possible.
If I were you, I would tell him the following: You love him very, very much and you would like to spend the rest of your life with him; however, you feel you're too young to make that sort of decision at this point.
Let him know that you're not necessarily telling him that you don't want to or aren't going to marry him. Let him know that you just need a few more years to grow and learn about the world.
You really sound like you have your head on your shoulders. You do want marriage, but you know you're simply too young for that. That is really a very good thing to know.
Worry about being 17 while he worries about being 19. Have fun going out as boyfriend/girlfriend and having double-dates and the like. Make lasting memories right now because there will be plenty of years ahead to work on a marriage.
To me, when you tell someone you will marry them then you have to be serious. You're at a time now that so many things may happen and you two may drift apart (not saying that it will happen)--you really never know. You should be more worried about keeping the relationship together and strong instead of when to marry each other because you two simply don't know what life may throw your ways.
Like I said, worry about being a teenager right now. Maybe you can even let him know that it might be acceptable for you to make this decision at age __ (I suggest, at the VERY earliest, 21). I think if you two really are in love then he'll understand what you're saying.
You can prove your love in so many ways. It's a shame that teens don't realize that now. You don't need to throw the word engagement around and you don't have to have sex. My suggestion for the time being is simply this:
Make memories of your youth.
When you're older you'll have something to say. Your grandchildren will all sit around, wanting you to tell them about the time you and grandpa went out and did this and that. They'll come to you advice on how to make their own relationships work and you'll be able to say, "It isn't about having sex. It isn't about saying you're going to marry them. It's about life, love, and making lasting memories together."
I feel sad that a lot of the teenagers now won't have a "how we met" story other than, "We met at a party and starting making out and had sex." I feel sad that teenagers will have to say, "I was engaged to 3 guys before he asked me and we got married." I feel sad that they won't have anything to say about what they did together other than, "Well, we we could see each other, we had sex. Sometimes with a condom, sometimes without. We had a few pregnancy scares." I feel sad that they will have to tell their own children things like, "No, your mother/father wasn't my first sexually. I lost my virginity when I was 13 to this one guy/girl. I had been with 13 people prior to your mother/father."
Go roller-blading.
See concerts.
Go to the park and watch old people in love.
Lay on the ground and look at the clouds.
Go on movie dates.
Share a milkshake.
Read books together.
Go have a few double-dates with your best friend.
Volunteer together.
Talk to strangers together and see if you can help brighten their day.
Help each other grow.
Don't worry about marriage.
Don't worry about sex.
The time will come when those will be important.
The time is not now.
Be 17.
Be 18.
Be 19.
Be 20.
Be 21.
Enjoy your youth while you can, and look back to laugh and smile at the good, wholesome memories.
I hope your partner takes your response well, whatever you decide. If you have any more questions, please feel free to ask me! :)
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I think it's okay if you and/or him could support yourselves and get a home and all that good stuff.
But maybe you should stay engaged for a couple of years.
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Hey,
I think it's great that you both love each other and want to get married. But you're right, You're too young. Even if age wasn't a factor. How would you be able to support yourself? If you both have living arrangements then it won't be a problem. But college might be hard to do if you're trying to juggle a marriage too. I think you should both just plan a date in the future of when you're going to get married. You can both wear promise rings,(rings that promise you're going to get married one day) until that time comes.
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