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It's terrible watching someone die.
I actually didn't want to put any of this up here at first. I thought I could handle it, I thought things would get better. I thought I didn't need help. But now I see I do because I'm the only one seeing this and it's hurting me so bad watching. This is a very long story and I appologize but I will try to make it as short as possible, so bear with me:
My brother, sixteen year old, has a screwed up life. About 7 months ago, he started dating this girl. None of us, the family, really knew her at first. He just talked about her a lot and she came over once or twice, but even then they just went back to his room and didn't pay any attention to us. Back then, he still had a little bit of life in him. He was getting better little by little until the manipulating started. She actually began talking to the family. She'd come in and say "hi" and give me and my two younger sisters a hug. Of course, my dad had her figured out from day one. He's in this with me, but he doesn't have as much insight because in addition to being my brother's friend, he's also his dad. And with that position comes authority, something my brother tends to stray away from. Anyways, he knew what a manipulative person she was because we could see what she was doing to him. She'd begun calling our dad "dad" and he decided to stop responding so it wouldn't feed her mannipulative needs. He'd just smile and nod. Eventually, she figured him out. So, she'd come in the room and act the usual hyper-ey "hey!"'s and then completely ignore my dad. Of course, he didn't care. So this was the first indicator of how manipulative of a person this girl was. She completely altered my brother's life forever. Next, she got my brother to get her a job at the place he worked. Of course, my brother did so and we thought that having to work with this annoying person 24/7 might show him the light. But no, he continued on even getting closer to her. Then the secrets started coming out. I, being one of his best friends, was told everything. How her father supposedly raped her, how her step mom was "clinically insane". I know her parents were screwed up because she was too, but I didn't know if all of this was true or not. One of this girl's neighbors had told me she was a pathological liar. I know, I know, "how would they know?". They wouldn't. I didn't believe them either. I just saw her as an incredibly manipulative person.
Well, like I said, a month ago, when my brother had 3 weeks left of probation, they packed up some stuff and ran away in his car. Of course, when I heard this, I couldn't help but to cry and look for information. When my dad found no clues in his room, I took a look. I turned his room over and found a few phone numbers. I also found a password to something, but I didn't know what. I gave it to my dad and he tried this girl's email account. Wrong. Then he tried my brother's email account. Wrong again. In a last attempt, he tried their myspaces and what do you know, it's this girl's myspace password. For some reason it was on a piece of paper in my brother's room. Well, my dad and I read all of her recent messages and there was one of them that caught my eye. It was to another guy. She said things like "Why did you break up with me?" and "I still love you!". This message was unread when we read them so we came to the conclusion that she was cheating on my brother, the person she had manipulated enough to love her. By this point, I abbsolutely hated her. I thought when she and him came back, the first thing I would do was to scratch her eyes out. I still hate her. And with good reason. She does more.
It wasn't really a secret that my brother and her "messed around". Almost everyone knew, even my dad who had told him not to. Well, after a while, this girl finally decided she was pregnant. I say she decided because I completely doubt that she was in the first place. Why? If anyone of you ladies has ever had a miscarriage, you know how heart breaking it is. You just lost your child, the one you spent about 9 months living for, living with. The one you were looking forward to. I appologize if this brings back unfriendly memories to any of you, but it has a purpose. This girl, as manipulative as she is, had one. She claimed she fell and it killed the baby. Now, that's not a reason to doubt the pregnancy other than the fact that it must have been a pretty hard fall that left no bruises. However, here she was, a week later, perfectly happy and wanting to try again. She hadn't even grieved the baby's death. My mother had a miscarriage, and she didn't have another baby for 2 years afterwards. This little stunt planted the idea of "fatherhood" in my brother's head and a month after the so-called "miscarriage" she was pregnant. For real this time. How do I know this? Because they went to the doctor's together. In Wyoming. Which is where they ran away to. He called 2 weeks after he had been gone to tell us she was pregnant and that they were fine. He had a strange definition of the word "fine".
He came back alone on Sunday. I was the only one there and I was hoping that he would have changed. Everyone said he would have changed, that this would make him grow up and open his eyes. Wrong. His eyes were still closed. He was completely the same as when he left. Probably worse. He was still with this girl, but he decided it would be better to come home and face his consequences and leave her in wyoming where she was "safe". He told me he was glad he "saved her life". I told him he screwed up his own. Then he says something that proved to me he hadn't changed. He said "not anymore than it was". I felt like slapping him. He had a home, a loving family, 2 fabulous parents, a million friends, and a FUTURE. He had everything and he was willing to throw it all away because of this girl. He can't see how she's changed him. I talked to him just now over myspace, and had a major melt down. I sent an extremely long message to him and we talked. I told him how many people cared about him, how many people he'd hurt. How amazingly manipulative this girl was. At this point, I didn't care if he got mad at me or not, as long as I told him the truth about everything. In almost every reply he said "I really don't care anymore". He told me she wasn't the manipulator, he was. He said he manipulated her and he loved her, which I don't know how you could manipulate the person you love. He said it's complicated and hard to explain. Then he had to go. I just can't take this anymore. When he was gone, I used to just randomly call his cell phone, just to see if he would pick up. Of course, he left his cell at home. The first time I called it, my dad picked up after the first ring and he was already crying. Of course, I was too and we cried on the phone, not saying anything. It just hurts so bad to see that my brother has completely given up on living. His only strand of hope seems to be this girl and their baby. He doesn't care about anything. And it's pushing me into a deep depression watching. But I can't walk away now. I keep feeling like I can help him, but everytime I try he does something stupid and throws himself farther back into the system. I don't know what to do anymore. It's like he can't see anything. I feel like he knows he's dying so he's trying to hold onto everyone he was already close to, but not trying to make it all better. He doesn't smile any more. He doesn't laugh. He doesn't respond. He just....dies. And I don't know what to do anymore. Please help me out. I appologize for the length, but every answer is accepted and will be rated. Thank you for taking the time to read.
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Families?
It sounds like your brother has been suffering from some type of depression and this situation just made it worse. At this point the best thing you can do as a family is to get professional counseling. The benefits of family counseling are tremendous. Depression affects all of you. You seem like a loving family willing to do what it takes. Look for family counseling in your local area. Also, when properly diagnosed, insurance may help cover expenses.
Good luck
L.C.
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Something simular happened to my family too, but we dont talk to him... But hopefully that won't happen to you. But I think you are stressing out (even though you have a huge right to) over something you have no control over or will. explaining and talking to your brother too probably isn't going to help, its almost like his girlfriend brainwashed him. sorry that I really can't help but really there is nothing to do, just hope that your brother will understand what is going on sooner rather than later. good luck!
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Yes I know what you mean. I am going through a similar situation with my own sister. A little different though. She is so insecure with herself that she dates random guys and gets pregnant. Now she's twenty-five years old with four kids, and no way to take care of them. I love her so much, but it's too much to deal with. Right now she's in and out of the hospital with her sixth pregnancy and she actually lost one. The doctors keep telling her "Quit getting pregnant, use protection." She never listens though. I have continuously tried to speak with her on this subject manner many times, but it's not really doing anything. The only advice I can really give you is to learn from his mistakes. I don't mean to burst your bubble but there's really no way you can control things he is doing, that is up to your parents and how ever old he and the girl are. And yes I will agree the girl sounds like a total and complete lier, but for some reason your brother does love her. And that child is going to be your niece or nephew, so you will have to accept it at sometime or another. Just make sure you stay close to the family you do have and don't make the same mistake your brother has made. Hope I helped.
xoxo,
dottie4
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