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I am in love with my pastor
I am a single divorced parent of four and very attractive. Although I am a 40 female, I often get "carded" or mistaken as my 20 yr old's sister. My delimma is that I have not been blessed regarding relationships whereas someone loves me as much as I love them. I started attending this huge church three years ago. I have always been active in church in another state. On my first visit, which was business related, the pastor, who was single, made a point to introduce himself to me. I brushed it off because I was seeing someone at the time. Recently, my friends who visits from other churches notice how he stares at me during service in a church of over 1500 members per service. I have noticed that he seeks me out and have constant eye contact. I brushed it off as he does it with everyone to engage them. The final thing that made me wonder was the fact that I was leaving the church and wrote him a letter. That Sunday, he stated, "I got your letter.....don't leave me.....I don't know what I would do if you were to leave." I have also "heard rumors" that he has it bad for me and that is why I am catching hell from other females in the church who have a crush on him.
I am beginning to have feelings sub consciencly. I don't know if I've been attracted all the while as was subpressing my feelings or if it is curiousity. The problem is that I think about him all the time. I am in a relationship with a wonderful man, but I don't love him as a significant other, only as a "best friend". He wants more. On the other hand, my pastor is communicating more with me and inviting me to dinner functions that are only suppose to be for church board members or deacons.
My pastor has even appointed me to key positions in the church, which makes me feel awkward because I want to earn positions based on my talent, not becuase of favor.
Although I am thinking of him all the time, I also have butterfiles when he is near and become speechless. I have noticed the same behavior from him. He compliments me every Sunday. This feeling is getting worst and I did not have these feelings at first.
My question is, should I pursue him, although he has never been married and doesn't have any children? How will the church look at our relationship? How do I "ask him out"? How do I truly find out if I am not reading into things? How do I get him off my mind? If we date, how do I save my friendship with two of my best friends who are "madly" in love with him? Please help!
Lonnie44
Atlanta
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
I am curious Lonnie44, what ever became of the "relationship" between you and your pastor. I ask because pretty much everything you described above is what I am going through in a nutshell.
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My pastor has shown some signs of intrest in me. I think were both attracted to each other but why he's ignoring me now after showing sings that he's intrested! My feelings just devolped after liking him for a while any advice. I feel like
I'm in the same situation!!!
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Don't lose your chance, he is obviously intrested, there's no harm in trying.
If you do get involved into a relationship, you have to explain this to your friends.
It doesn't matter how the church views your relationship. If your happy, hes happy, your kids are happy and your friends are happy, thats all that matters.
If you act intrested in him too, he will ask you out. Dinner events and such is the first step.
You can truely find out if your not reading into things by the way you feel around him. Your heart doesn't lie, just follow it.
If this love you feel for him is true, you wouldn't be able to get him off your mind. That isn't a bad thing.
You can save your friendship, if your best friends were really that close in the first place, they would understand.
Remember, the right thing to do isn't always the easiest thing to do. But it will guarantee you success.
I wish you luck in whatever decision you choose.
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Stand your grounds and take charge:
Okay girl here it goes... First off you have to let this current "boy friend" of yours know your not ready for comitment! Then if he wants to stay with you cool, but at least he knows where your at. If he leaves you well, who really cared?
NEXT you've GOT to confront your pastor, draw the line tell him how you feel how you like him but you want to earn your way up for you position in the church. But that maybey if he'd like to get a cup of coffee you'd love that.
THEN if he agrees to set a time for your coffee, (date) then go through with it, but on a little black dress, and some make up and be there. IF things go well tell your other boy friend it's over and persue your "love life" with your pastor.
Also ignore the ugly glares from others, they're just jelous, or they don't aprove ( and if they don't aprove who cares you didn't need them anyways)
-lex
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I think you should go for it. He obviously has some sort of feelings for you from what you have said. If your friends are truely friends they will understand and obviously he is putting out to you not the other woman in the church. Don't feel judged in a church, people may be upset because they had a crush on him but if you are starting to have more feelings towards him than your current relationship i would end the current on with wanting to be friends and start with the new one. ask him if hed like to go to dinner sometime then he will probably pick place and date and stuff. if things don't work out than take a deep breath count back from 10 and focus on something else.
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