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dating
Is it wrong to do sexual things with someone you are dating, but aren't going out with? Is that slutty? We've been dating for about a month and a half now. He is the only guy I'm seeing and I'm the only girl he's seeing.
And also if you're dating, are you considered to be in a relationship, or are you defined as single?
Thank you =)
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It can definately be slutty, as it fairly demeaning of yourself. The only issue is that now it seems to be popular, or a trend to an extent.
The truth is, when you engage in a friends with benefits "relationship" you never do learn how to communicate effectively for a true relationship. This is why a lot of men and women who use to be in that sort of "relationship" always end up in the same place, without a personal attachment to their sexual partner.
A person that engages in those types of relationships tends to already have low self esteem and a low self concept of themselves. They are seeking what they feel is the only "love" they are able to get because they are just so unworthy of other types of care. These relationships tend to bring the person down further, to where they will circle the same path over and over in life. They tend to be the ones that never marry, or do not marry until very, very late in life because it takes them that long to figure out how to un-do the bad things they had taught themselves in poor relationships before.
Being friends with benefits has the drawback that one side usually ends up developing feelings for the other side. Typically the female of this sort of situation ends up doing this. Young guys, who tend to be driven by their hormones, key in on this and take it for what it's worth--just the sex. The young men tend to lead the women through an ordeal of issues, having her believe that some day she'll magically be "the one" he was looking for. In reality, he doesn't want the girl or he would seek her out as a life-long partner.
You see, if you are only having sex then the other person simply does not see you as boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife/partner type for them. To them, you are lower than the boyfriend/girlfriend they have or may have had (or will have). A lot of people tend to be sucked in by this, hanging on for that one day the person says, "You know, I kept saying that I just needed some more time before hopping in a real relationship, well...it's time for us..." That simply does not happen. Ever. If it does, it burns out very, very quickly because the entire basis of it is sexual.
Yes, this relationship is hurting you as a person. Being young, you probably won't see the reality of what has happened to yourself until you're years down the road. I know I didn't see what was going on when I was having sex with someone that I knew wasn't right.
For the last note, if you question an activity as being "slutty" then it is, nine times out of ten, a slutty behavior. If you have to question it, then there's a reason why you feel that way. Sometimes your conscious is screaming at you even when you don't want to listen. Most people who ask questions like this to a pool of people they feel do the same thing are simply looking for psychological relief for their guilt of being perceived as a slut for the bad activities they do. (Associates degree in psychology taught me this.)
If you are dating someone then you are most certainly not single. Dating means you two are a couple, in a relationship. If you date someone else then it is usually considered cheating.
I was dating my boyfriend before I knew I was dating him. We had gone out to dinner and such and one day we were sitting in the car, chatting, when he said something about us being in a relationship. I was confused, but learned that going on dates means you are boyfriend and girlfriend, automatically. Now, one blind-date isn't going to count, but after two or three dates, you pretty much know :)
If you're going on dates and you still feel that something is missing in the "relationship" factor then open up to your partner and say, "Hey, are we something?" If you WANT to be something then say so. If you don't communicate clearly then you won't be understood clearly. ;)
If you have any more questions, please feel free to ask me! :)
P.S. The user below is wrong, you should always care what other people think in situations like this. If you are being seen as a slut then why continue the behavior? That stigma will follow you through life and people will think less of you because of one past mistake that you did not alter in time. You're simply not taken seriously. To say you shouldn't care what other people think is very, very immature--obviously, people who think this have yet to be in "real world" of life.
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it depends on your morals. If you dont think its slutty, then why care what anyone else thinks? your not sleeping with anyone else just him. As far as your relationship status, its whatever you and that guy consider it to be. If h wants to declare his self as single and you still want to see him and no one else just tell them your seeing some one.
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Haha I'm in the same position as you. Its not wrong or bad if he's not seeing anyone eles. But if he does then I would back off a little because you don't wanna start unwanted drama. Ask him if he see's you guys as being in a realtionship any time soon.
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