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issues with being faithful
okay...so I am seventeen years old, and i have a little problem...
I think that i have an issue with the men in my life. See, i've never really had a father figure because my dad doesnt care really what i do. he has lived in the same house as me for my whole life, but he shows no interest in my life whatsoever. he doesnt even know my birthday, how old i am, or what grade i am in. I've always wanted to be like my friends and be a daddy's little girl, but no matter how hard i try, he still doesnt care. i've told him i love him so many times but he'll just hang up the phone or walk away.
i dont think i've done anything to disappoint him, i've always been a good kid, never in trouble...so why doesn't he love me?
but that's not really the main issue, i've come to realize now after seventeen years that he is never going to love me like i want him to.
But, i think that this is affecting my relationships with boyfriends. See, right now i have a pretty good boyfriend. and he treats me right, he says he loves me, and i really care about him too. A lot. but he lives about two hours away and we see each other on the weekends if we're lucky. I really want to be with him, but when i'm at school and other guys show an interest in me, i just can't seem to tell them i have a boyfriend or that i can't be involved with them. like right now, there's a boy who really likes me that goes to my school and he wants to date me, and i could possibly like him, but i think the reason i talk to him is because he's showing an interest in me, and i think i need that constantly...and i know it's horrible. i've never cheated on my boyfriend, but i have a feeling that its a possibility if i dont get a handle on this. thats why i'm asking for your help...
i feel like such a bad person.
but i really need to find a way to deal with this before i hurt my boyfriend.
any advice is appreciated. =)
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It seems that the attention you don't recieve from your only dad, is what you are attempting to recieve from boys. But I'm letting you know that a boy's interest cannot fill a dad's love for their child at all. It will just become an addiction for you to have attention for no reason at all, so do not get caught up in that. Keep your eye on one guy, and one guy only. As far as your dad goes, you need to sit him down and talk to him about what is on your mind. I know that this has to be a hard thing to do, it may cause you to be nervous and you may feel that you are not able to do it, but if you want his care and attention you must confront him and tell him that he's treating you like dirt and it is affecting your social life. If he walks away as usual, or acts as if he doesn't care, maybe it's more than you, it's probably something else that he is not telling you that is causing him to dislike you. He probably has a personal issue that does not involve you but he feels he MUST take it out upon you. Talk to your mom about this if your dad won't. And if you can't than maybe it's time to face facts that you may never get the attention from your dad that you need so much. But DO NOT let that destroy you. "You can bring a horse to the water, but you cannot make it drink". You can tell your dad about how you feel, but you can't make him do anything about it, it is up to him and only him. Maybe, he wanted a boy or maybe it was something going on between him and your mom before they had you that is causing him to act this way towards you. But please dont let this get to you. This is why teens grow up with an un-leveled head, is because of this, I'm not going to show you sympathy nor empathy for this because I cannot understand or feel how your dealing with this because I've never been through it myself, and I'm not taking pity upon you, but I do sympathize over our situation. I give you luck on how you manage to overcome this.
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I wouldn't blow this problem out of purportion.
The girl with 'Daddy Issues' might be a cultural cliche, but it doesn't have to be the truth of your life. It probably isn't.
You want to know why you like it when guys pay attention to you: Because most women like it. My Dad is awesome, and I've had really awesome boyfriends too, and even still, when a cute guy flirts with me, I'll have a moment of not wanting to admit I'm taken.
I'm a bit older, and have learned and grown a bit more, so I can overcome that desire. But it's a natural healthy one. We all want to feel desired.
You are seventeen.
Long-distance relationships are difficult to find fufilling even when you are adults who can drive and plan long-term and take trips and vacations togeather.
As a teen you are experimently socially, as you should be.
As a teen you are not able to do some of the work that is needed to make a long-distance relationship really secure.
It IS wrong, to lead this guy on and be dishonest. That is a mistake. You shouldn't do it. You should either be honest with him about your boyfriend or dump your boyfriend.
But don't beat yourelf up for feeling the way you do. Almost everyone feels that way. We WANT to be WANTED.
Just bite the bullet and correct your mistake, and you'll feel better about yourself.
You aren't fucked up. You aren't pitiful or a horrible person. You aren't doomed to always be this way. You are a teenager, who made a mistake in her love life.
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I honestly know how you feel, and i know it hurts a lot. I have been in the same positions several times. Its because the man in your life your supposed to learn from, look up too, ect...has never gave you the time of day. Ive always wanted the "daddys girl" title too, but that just never worked out. You see, because your dad never paid attention to your interests, and thoughts you feel the need to get all kinds of attention from other guys. In your situation, its normal. But, i suggest you talk to your dad about it, see if you guys could catch a movie, or dinner and catch up and REALLY get to know each other. Tell him, your growing up and you wont be living in his house forever and you dont wanna say you never really knew your dad and vice versa. The reason you have to be honest with him about everything is because, people cannot read minds...Guys sometimes overlook the obvious and not even notice. You arent a bad person, but to get over this so you dont hurt your boyfriend you need to get closer with your dad so you have that closure. Maybe, think of something that your dad likes doing, and ask him to do that with you.
If you need anymore advice, dont hesitate to email me....hypnoticpoison92@yahoo.com
GOOD LUCK :]
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You are not a bad person I promise. WHat you are feeling is completely normal. By the way I am really sorry about your dad. I think the reason you can't tell other guys you have a b/f is b/c when they show an interest in you it fills that "void". The void that your dad really can't seem to feel. Like you said I love you to him and he walks away, but you love to hear other guys say it. Maybe b/c your dad is kind of absent in your life and you want to feel cared about and love so you see it in other guys, if that makes any sense. I think what you need to do, is talk to your father first off about how you feel about him not loving you, which I am sure he does, and second if you do really care about your boyfriend, then say to these other guys that you do have a b/f but you would like to get to know them. If you feel like you aren't seeing your b/f and just don't care then maybe breakit off.
Honestly It is all your choice, I am just providing different soultions to try and help you out of this situation.
Best of luck :)
and I am sure your father loves you, even though he may not say it.
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