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How do I move on?
I dated someone from May 24 to October 14 this year and he broke up with me because he got bored of me half way through our relationship and other reasons. I know we weren't together that long but I loved him, and the way i felt for him was stronger than any feeling i've felt with other guys in the past. Thing is, 3 weeks before we broke up, I found out I was pregnant. He was excited about it at first but then started questioning whether we were even slighty ready financially to look after it so I think that was one of the other reasons he left me.
After we broke up, i felt like I had to get an abortion, so I got one last week. Now, I feel like Its my fault and I feel like I've killed an innocent unborn child because I made a mistake of trusting my ex when he promised to be by my side no matter what. I called up my ex a couple of nights ago and he said he doesn't ever want to talk to me again, one reason because I made him pay for the abortion(his mum paid but my ex has to pay her back) and because he doesn't care about me anymore, he said he doesn't care what I'm going through either. Since we've broken up couple weeks ago and since the abortion, he's been out clubbing and even started flirting with another girl.
While he's doing that, I'm here going through hell..crying every night and every day because im going through something that my ex and I should be going through together but he left me to deal with it on my own. I don't want to see anyone or talk to anyone because im in more pain than i've ever been in my entire life. I'm isolating myself from everyone and I don't know what to do anymore. I feel so alone and worthless..I just want everything to end, i don't know how much more I can handle..
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You have been through a lot.
Let me address this first: I know a number of women who I respect who happen to have had abortions. Having had one does not devalue you as a person. the option is there for women young and old who can't handle a pregnancy for whatever reason. My dear, your situation really did sound tough and I hope you can forgive yourself.
Also, try to change your thinking a bit. There was not technically a baby in there. It was an embryo with no nerve endings. You didn't cause it any pain, if that is any solace.
Does your mother know about this? Could you talk to her and get a counsellor? This is a lot of pain for you to be going through all on your own. You deserve some comfort and understanding.
As for your ex, such a cruel and heartless person is someone you're better off without. In a sense, not having to raise a kid with such a person is a blessing because no doubt he would make a terrible father.
Try to stop keeping tabs on him. It sounds like he will only cause you more suffering. A good man would be helping you through this, but he is not a good man and not deserving of your love.
Please, please, again, try to seek out your mom and some help. Be gentle with yourself. You had to make a hard choice and no one should judge you, least of all yourself.
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you go after what you want and if it doesnt want you back than it didnt deserve you anyways.
i was 15 years old when i gave birth to my child now. if you dont have parents like i did who was there for me every step of the way. helping me emotionally and fincailly. you wouldnt have been able to support that child. i my self dont believe in abortion you had to do what you did for a reason you go with your first instinct and you did. the way you are talking now. it sounds like if you even did have that child he wouldnt have been there for it. and every child neeeds their father. my sons father isnt in his life. but im engaged now and that guy is. move on. get with your girl friends for a night take your mmind off things flirt be a little crazy eat some ice cream. its hard to take in. but everything happens for a reason. god must have wanted you to have an abortion or else you wouldnt have done it.
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