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My boyfriend is driving me crazy
Okay, (rather long, brace yourself)
so my boyfriend and i have been going out for almost eight months.
And he does things that really piss me off to no end, he does really immature things, and he goes out of his way to make me feel bad about myself.
Ill give some examples.
Immaturity
When im telling him an important story, and say things like "He came really fast"
He'll laugh at the sexual content.
the other day a basket ball hit me in the face.
and i call him im like
"Jake, i was playing basketball with alyssa and the ball hit me in the face, it really hurts"
He'll laugh at the balls part.
Like, its funny the first few times, but then it just gets annoying, and it makes me feel like he doesnt care about me.
Or he'll (please dont get offended) say the N word to me and he gets mad when i dont laugh.
Im like, "Thats not funny, its mean"
and just other things, and they may seem funny, but he brings them up at the worst times.
Making me Feel Bad
We were video-chatting the other day, and my web cam is attatched to my lap top, so, when i move around it moves with me.
And i guess my boobs zoomed in on the screen,
and he'll start laughing and be like "Your tits were on the screen"
Or ill dive in his pool.
and i KNOW my bathing suit top didnt fall down, and he'll make something up to say he saw my boobs. And i'll automatically be embarrassed.
When i know that didnt happen.
Or if i point something out about him that annoys me or bothers me.
He'll turn it around and blame it on me, or make it look like its my fault
For instance, I was watching gossip girl one night, and he knows that i cant talk on the phone and watch t.v at the same time.
So, i was like "We can talk on AIM"
And he was like "nono its fine go watch tv, ill do hw or something"
I take funny pictures of myself and send it to him cuz i think theyre funny, and when i dont do something he wants, he threatens to put them on facebook.
Or he shows people, when i strictly told him not to,and one time he set one as his backround
I just dont trust his witht hem anymore
and he makes me feel really bad.
On purpose.
Showing off in front of his friends
He is a totally different person in front of his friends. He'll show me off in front of them about how we make out and stuff, and act like he doesnt care about my opinion, and says really hurtful things even though he's 'just kidding.'
Too close for comfort
he shares things with me that really gross me out, and he relies on the fact that we love eachother so much that i wont break up with him. He's got that wrong, becuase i can totally still dump his ass. We made a promise to eachother that we'd stay together long as possible, and he gets too comfortable with that, and thinks he can do anything, and i wont break up with him for it. Like saying mean things about my friends, and all of the above.
Now, my sisters wedding is coming up in about 2 weeks, and i invited him to it.
Im the maid of honor and i wanted him to be my date.
I cant break up with him now.
and i know if i do, despite all these things, i'll still be upset.
Why is that i can come up with a billion things i hate about him, but i still love him, and would be really upset if we broke up?
That makes no sense.
Also, what should i do about these problems?
Sorry for writing so much.
I really hope you can help
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To be honest, I just think he's just being a guy. I mean, we all know that guys mature slower than girls, so this is expected.
I do, however, think he is very immature, and I understand how you feel from the embarrassment he causes.
Unfortunately for you, I don't think he's the right one. If he liked you that much, he would never make you feel bad about yourself or embarrassed, and if he did, it would be as a joke and it wouldn't happen repetitively on purpose.
I don't believe you can stand to be with him any longer, and I know that may upset you, but he upsets you anyway. So either way you look at it, you (could) end up being sad, however, if you broke up with him, you'd find so much relief after a few days have passed because you'll realize that you're better off without him.
And even know you said you invited him to your sisters wedding in 2 weeks, you can break up with him. You will probably have a better time without him anyway.
I think you can find someone out there who deserves you and doesn't embarrass you. Someone who is nice and fun and doesn't say rude things to you. Because no one deserves that.
Hope this helped!!
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Unfortunately, each person is different and each person matures at a different speed. It seems to me that your boyfriend is just immature and still stuck in that annoying boy phase where sexual words are funny and teasing is okay. It is not okay for him to blackmail you or go behind your back and do something he says he wont(show your pics around). You should be able to trust your boyfriend, especially after 8 months, and if you can't, I suggest you leave him. I know you care about him and thats expected, however, right now, it doesn't seem like he fully understands what a committment is on any level. Maybe you breaking up with him will make him realize. He may think its all "harmless fun" and doesn't truly see how it is making you feel. I would try seriously sitting down and talking to him about it ALL, and if that doesn't help, I would break up with him. It's not going to work on these terms right now.
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Since you already invited him to your sisters wedding, you kinda have to stay with him till its over. Its possible if you try to break up, he might do something overly drastic and you'll feel like its the end of the world and want it all to end. When the wedding comes or even before, you oughta tell him straight up that he needs to behave himself during the wedding at least. I don't suggest threats or black mail, but if you can, you should. Make him promise right in front of you if you have to, just to make him understand you are extremely serious for once and you aren't going to put up with it. But he claims he isn't going to, you might as well not bring him and break up right then and there. Its obvious he doesn't care for a relationship. To him, your just another friend whose close to him. And when you do break up with him(then or later, whatever you choose) he is likely to react hostile and get extremely angry because he won't understand why. He will probably still threaten you with the pictures which your going to have to shrug off. It will be much easier to deal with pics than with him, though he will still be a pain either way. His maturity level won't improve much over time I'm afraid. He has no respect now, he's not going to have much respect later.
I still say break up as soon as possible, but keep the wedding promise. If he can promise to behave at a wedding for you, then there's more to him than he wants to show. But if he chooses not to, then there's no use in trying with him. Guys don't change much over time, especially at this day and age. So better to save yourself the pain than to have to still go on through it all...
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