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I'm a body full of anger.
I don't know what's wrong me, i've looked online some disorders but i'm not sure which one i have..
I got this problem.. I constantly replay in my mind for weeks things that have bothered me. I'm the type of person that can't let things go. The more i think of them, the more upset i get. Hell, i even argue with myself why i said it or why that person said what they said. Also, i get mad at my parents alot, mostly about my vegeterianism. I get so mad to the point that i begin to cry(which i hate because i then i look like the weak one y'know). I lock myself in my room and begin throwing things. I think i might be crazy sometimes, i begin thinking of ways my dad or brother can die. Like, when they went to Honduras, there where some problems with the airplane or something and i remember wishing the plane would crash killing both of them. And i don't feel any guilt for thinking this things. I don't think i'm horrible at all, i feel like their death will make the world a better place (hahah). I'm sure there's something wrong with me. Oh, and i'm not crazy enough to kill my parents and siblings, i know better. I'm not stupid. With my friends i act different too. I'll act totally ditzy around them and just put on this happy face when really, in my thoughts i think to myself why hang around this people? Alot of times i've wished they'd move or something and then that i'd make way better ("cooler") friends. I think totally pessimistic thoughts and notice every single flaw in people, including myself. And my cat, hahah, i'm really horrible for thinking this considering i love animals probably more than i love people. Well, it's not just my cat, my dad and brother too, i've thought about them dying and then all the attention i would get. Everybody feeling 'bad' for me because i'm fatherless, brotherless,..catless..
I don't know, i guess you could say i'm KIND OF depressed but i wouldn't say i am, not like i was last year. My thinks i'm crazy, from me throwing things at the wall like a mad teenager i am. She's threatened to take me to a psychiatrist but never does. I laugh at the fact that i've got serious issues..
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believe it or not you answered your own question this comes from deppression if you bottle your feelings and you dont let them out for awhile it turns into rage it means that your emotionally unstable the chemical build up in your brain in unbalanced and can cause you to react irrationally you really should think about seeing a psychyatrist for meds or a counselor to help you learn how to cope with your feelings in a healthy way (i had blind rage till about a few months ago so i know what youre going through) i know that seeing somebody about whats going on with you is the last thing you want to do but sometimes its the only option if you want to email me and talk some more about this youre more than welcome to
beautevil78@yahoo.com
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wow k first of all its not wierd to have thought about killing your family members it happens but i think you should go see a doctor cause this stuff usually only happens to people with depression and you need like certain medicine for it to make yourself feel better if its not depression then its definatly anger managment either way you should talk to you school counsellor or a doctor and your not crazy you just might have depression or anger managment hope i helped good luck :)
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