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should i stay or should i go?
This might be kinda long..
I have been with my boyfriend for about a year and ahalf now. hes 28. im having a really diffuclt problem trying to deal with how many people has has slept with. (i was never really attracted to anybody untill him.. so i just dont understand). i realize now i kinda messed up by sleeping with him even though it was my idea and i figured me understandign and working everything out would take time. I really do want to work things out but there are a few problems. one. he does not live in my state, he is just away right now and hes planning to move back permenently, mainly for me and for better jobs. two. all the people he has had sex with, i feel like i have to share him with them. he seems to find anybody attractive even if he doesnt say it to me, he has been with friends, friends that are married, random people, people he found on the internet and "knew" for a while and then would have them come and stay with him for a while. it was like it was a sex party. So i guess my questions are: what can i do to try to understand his past (he doesnt like talking about it hes sorta ashamed.)? Should i just leave him, is this often too big of a problem in a relationship? (should i leave him before he tries to move back partly because of me). He really does not want to leave me. he cries about it everytime i want to talk to him about my problems (in the relationship). i feel bad that i make him cry and gives me more reason to think i should break up. im really sorry if this is too confusing you can ask questions or whatever you need. thanks for any advice in advance.
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Hi,
I think that if he's ashamed of his past that's a good sign that obviously means that he wants to move past that and is a different person. I think you should let the past lie. People make mistakes and they grow and change. That's just life. I know if it was my husband I wouldn't even ask who's he's had a history with, it just complicates everything and if I did I'd try to remind myself that it is past unless he's cheating on you I don't think you should break up with him, (unless you just can't take it anymore), he seems to care about you. If it were me I'd try to make it work.
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Sometimes people do change, however, things that has happened in the past, really need to stay in the past. If you feel like he's changed for the better, stay with him. If it's bothering you so much that you aren't able to have a good relationship with him, I would suggest moving on.
I believe that everyone makes mistakes and certain people do deserve second chances. If you know he hasn't cheated on you, I wouldn't be worried about his previous parteners. If he has and that's what you're worried about, leave him.
No one can make your mind up for you, all we can do is give you our input. If it was myself, I would be a forgive and forget type of person. If those things happened prior to our relationship, I wouldn't worry about it so much.
You have to also think about this: He lives in another state. How much do you trust him and trust what he's doing? He could very well be with other women right now as we speak, and you would never know. Sometimes people never change and that is the outcome of the situation. Unfaithfulness.
I'm not trying to make you upset, I'm just trying to give you different ways you can be looking at your situation. If you love him and believe it will work, stay with him. If you keep having this doubt in the back of your mind, go with the feeling because normally those little "feelings" always turn out right.
Good luck.
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