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what is happening to me???????
ive always had a major depression disorder, but its never been like this. it all started when i had sex for the first time. everyone is a little moody when it comes to losing their virginity, especially if they are a teenage girl. i was kind of young when i first did it. 15, to be exact. i was very happy with the guy i lost it with, but i kept feeling like a slut cuz we had only been dating for about 3 months. and also i knew it was wrong to do it, but i did it anyways. so i was depressed a lot. i thought everything was fine between us, but then he started avoiding me and not returning my ims and texts and calls, and i knew from the start he had met someone else. so, he finally broke up with me and started dating that girl. he still is, and they seem very happy. we talk every now and again, like maybe once a week, but we arent exactly friends.
anyways, ive been having these random episodes of mental/emotional breakdown and panic and rage. like, when i went on his profile and saw that he has a petname for her, i got so pissed off and stabbed my radio with a knife and tore it apart and sliced my hand on purpose and destroyed this glass gift he had given me on my 15th birthday. and then the last time i saw him, i had found out that he cheated on me with that girl. and everything just broke. i was kicking him and screaming and slapping him and pounding on his "area" and trying to get some answers outta him, but he wouldnt talk. so i basically destroyed his room. finally, he apologized and was sincere about it (as far as i know) but ive still been pissed off and unhappy. ive been beyond depressed and ive cried almost everyday for the past two months and ive started cutting again. and ive started arguing with myself. like, inside my head. and i talk to myself and start having conversations with him even though hes not even there and i just pretend he is. and for about the past week ive been sicker than ive ever been. im not hungry, and usually im always hungry. (but i also smoke, so would that do anything to my appetite?) and ive been cold and feverish all over and its like a sinus cold but it wont go away. ive tried everything!
does it have to do with him or is it all in my head???????
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female: 15
I have the same exact problem, except that is just happened, well he broke up with me 4 months ago and im still brooding over it. I try to date other guys, but then i get the feeling, im to dirty, im already used so i cant date you. BUT, then i just started thinking, am i really going to spend the rest of my life crying over this guy, no matter what i already did, like have sex, already happen and it cant be erased so what i do is that i try my best to move forward, and whenever u have those mental flashback, shake your head and tell yourself no more thinking, you are going to have to constantly tell yourself that. I'm exactly like you, i started cutting and everything. I've been diagnoised with depression since i was 11 years. If he cheated on you, then he wasn't worth your time, even though you may think how can you trust another guy after this, just remember, you only have one life, and one chance to live it. Try your best to move on, and if u want any more advice, just write me and i will help you. oh and i dont know if the psychaiatrist will help you, because i know for sure that they didnt help me. I only ask people based on Experience, not knowledge. :D So i hope i helped.
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It's interesting you mentioned that you suffer from some form of mental illness already. This issue certainly has to do with that illness as well as him. How's it both? It's readily apparent that the events that have transpired with him have served to trigger another side of the illness that until now hasn't been apparent.
There's an added layer of obsession that has come out as a result of this that has always been there but never seen in full. You need help and to tell your doctor everything you told us as well as a trusted adult for your safety.
Even if it has only been two months and even if he cheated on you it doesn't matter. You can't move on with your life and won't get it that you have to as he has done so and wants no part of you.
Also self-mutilation isn't normal, it's wrong and often part of a greater mental health issue. Destroying things when angry isn't normal behavior either as is non-stop volatile rage about him and your situation.
Of the biggest alarm to me is the fact that you are having conversations with him when he isn't there or inside your head. I'm not sure if you think it's telepathic or real one on one but either way that's not normal. It can be signs of bipolar disorder or delusional thinking that you don't yet realize.
To put it blunt you're sick and need professional help from a psychiatrist to get back to a normal existence. How do I know? I've been as sick as you appear to be, was hospitalized and now lead a normal life. I've been around tons of patients like yourself grappling with the same issues.
Plus, you told me you have a mental illness already. It looks as though it's not in check. You need to tell people this and get properly assessed before this turns into a full-blown crisis in every issue of your life and not just this one.
For now start reminding yourself that there's no connection between you and him anymore and that you need to move on. Stop visiting his profile, phoning, e-mailing or seeing him at school. But do get this looked into pronto as your behavior would suggest sickness.
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