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Is she pulling away from me??.


Question Posted Tuesday September 2 2008, 9:31 pm

how do i know if my girlfriend is pulling away from me?? we've been livin togeter for 2 yrs, and im at that place in life where i want to ask her to marry me. but now she's acting all weird, quiet, distant, and i don't know what to do. i don't know if my bestfriend or her cousn told her i was gonna ask her to mary me or not. (her cousin and i are good friends, and besides my friend, the only other person i've told about it is her cousin. so things have been kindof strange for me the lat few weeks, cause i dont know if its that, or if she's seeing someone behind my back, or if she's planning on breaking up with me, or i dont now what. im scared to ask cause i dont want to upset her, but i feel like she should tell me whats going on with us. we went to visit my parents out of state last week, and i tried talkin to her about our futre on the ride up, but she said she didnt want to talk about that cause she didnt want to argue before we got to my folks place. when we do talk about serious stuff, its usually me doin tha talkin' and she just sits there lookin like shes interested, but it doesnt feel like it. i'm supposed to be goin out of twon for trainin in two weeks and i'll be gone for two weeks. we've never been away from eachother for more than a night or two before. part of me thinks itll be good cause she'll get to hang with her friends, and miss me while i'm gone, but what if somthing happens while i'm gone? please help me

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VeNzUeLa answered Wednesday September 3 2008, 4:13 pm:
Talk to her, if you are going to marry someone you HAVE to be completely open and comfortable, so if she is acting all distant, maybe she isn't ready for marriage yet. Just ask her and talk to her, that is the only way you'll find out for yourself, and if she loves you enough, she'll tell the truth about how she feels or whatever. So just communicate with her, approach her in a very caring way, and that you're concerned. Don't bring up the marriage idea yet, only if things begin to look good and she's starting to understand and see where you're coming from. Tell her how you feel too, tell her about the good cause, and how you feel it'd be great for her to spend time with friends and etc, when you're gone. Try be positive, if something does happen, it happened, nothing can change that.
The fact that she said she didn't want to 'argue' before you two got to your parents' house, hints that she maybe isn't ready, don't push her, if she isn't, she isn't, and I'm sorry.

Ask Venzuela

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Razhie answered Tuesday September 2 2008, 10:26 pm:
TALK TO HER.

It isn't kind, or fair, to expect her to tell you what is going on if you can't even work up the courage to ask her. For all you know she might think you don't give a damn. So, if you do care, you MUST ask her.

Don't ask her about YOUR ideas and plans. Ask her about HERS.
Where does she see herself in 10 years?
What does she feel are the things the two of you really disagree about?
What is she afriad of in your life togeather?

You need to really welcome her to talk about these things or else the two of you will get stuck in your 'not-talking=not-arguing' rut.

Give her a chance to talk without trying to control the direction or content of the conversation. Don't argue, just ask more questions. If you disagree, you can disagree later. Make at least your frist attempt at 'talking' all about listening. Nothing should come out your mouth except questions to help her clarify what she is trying to say.

When communication has brokend down as badly as it has between you two, that is the best place to start.

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