hey i need some help here
ok my boyfreind is really freaking me out we've only been dating two months and he already wants to Marry me?? plus he argues and treats me like shit
but i dont have the heart to dump him. im not one to break peoples hearts
so i wanna get him to dump me unpainfully to him
any ideas
Siren_Cytherea answered Saturday August 30 2008, 12:32 am: If you want to dump him, dump him. Speaking firsthand, there's nothing worse than being led on by someone with whom you're supposed to be in a caring, trusting relationship. Trying to get HIM to dump YOU is possibly the worst thing you can do. I've had it done to me, and it made me immeasurably angry. Not only that, but I forgot years after that I was the one to say "it's over," not him, because I felt like he dumped me. Either way, he's gonna be hurt and feel betrayed because the girl he's with doesn't want to be with him anymore, and that's something you have to accept.
My best advice to you is to try to talk things out before you outright end it. See what's really going through his head - he might think that the marriage stuff is what you want to hear, if he's inexperienced in a relationship.
Sit him down and say something like "hey, we need to talk. I know we've only been together for two months, but there are some problems, and I'd like to try to work them out."
This also depends on how old you guys are - in the future, age and gender are very helpful when dealing with relationship questions like this one.
When you two talk, make sure you focus on YOUR FEELINGS, not "what he's doing that's so wrong." You can throw in a little of the "You treat me badly," but make sure it's surrounded by "I feel." Example: "When you treat me badly, I feel hurt and disrespected, and it makes me question whether or not I want to keep this relationship going."
Keep in mind he's not a mind reader. Don't expect him to know anything.
But, if you two have spoken and he hasn't responded, then you need to sit him down anyway, and tell him "This just isn't working for me. We've talked about what's going on, and nothing has changed for the better. I'm sorry, but it's over." Short, sweet, and to the point is your best bet. But make sure you do talk to him as thoroughly as you can and do give him a chance to redeem himself if you haven't done either. You might make him aware that you're not going to stick around if his behavior doesn't change, though.
Good luck, I hope things work out.
-Siren =) [ Siren_Cytherea's advice column | Ask Siren_Cytherea A Question ]
busterxopeanut answered Saturday August 30 2008, 12:25 am: You don't have to get him to dump you because it would be doing the right thing by you dumping him. It isn't being mean to him whatsoever after treating you badly. If he really cared about you he wouldn't treat you badly then wanting to marry you. That is technically using you. It is like talking behind someones back then pretending to be best friends the next minute. So tell him the truth that you haven't been treated right and you deserve better. [ busterxopeanut's advice column | Ask busterxopeanut A Question ]
DesignerLine answered Saturday August 30 2008, 12:21 am: the only real way is honesty
i know it sounds cleche
but honesty is the key and i know its true
but are you sure you want to dump him just yet?
maybe you can talk to him and let him know that you need to slow down and take things at a slower pace
and i know boys are wayy hard to talk too
trust me i have the most stubburn boyfriend in the world
but when you guys start arguing
defend yourself
let him know why you think hes wrong
and if he gets mad whats the worst that can happen he breaks up with you?
whatever you do make sure you dont yell
it escalates the fight.
but if he doesnt respect you .. and treats you like shit.. then thats not a good sign.
all i can say is talk to him.. hes your boyfriend for a reason.
TALK TO HIM... [ DesignerLine's advice column | Ask DesignerLine A Question ]
curliecue answered Friday August 29 2008, 11:18 pm: You already have the evidence you need to break up with him. It's one thing if you want to dump him if he hasn't done anything wrong. It's fine to dump him if he's been treating you wrong. Especially if you've brought it up with him and he still hasn't changed. Don't bring yourself down to his level and try to get him to think poorly of you, it's not fair to your own reputation as a person. Just tell him you enjoyed the time you spent together but you guys have been struggling lately and you aren't happy in the relationship anymore (state your reasons, be as specific as necessary). Tell him that his dreams of getting married are making you uncomfortable, and you need some room because you aren't ready for that sort of thing. If you want to, just take a break. But if you REALLY want out then end it right there and move on. You'll be fine; breaking up with someone doesn't make you a mean person. You are just doing what you need to do in order to ensure your happiness. It's ok, and good luck! [ curliecue's advice column | Ask curliecue A Question ]
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