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Smoking weed.
Ok, so really everyone does weed at least once in their life. Even if it's just a hit. I smoke weed, not alot but enough. But theres this girl who is best friends with one of my like really good friends, and she hates me cause i smoke weed, but it's my life. I dont make other people smoke or anything. She just hates me. Idk what to say to her now, i wanna talk to her but i dont wanna make her hate me even more. What should i do?
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I was actually surprised by all the responses to this question. So! Another perspective! Why want a friendship with someone just because she hates you? When I read your post my first inclination was to say...well obviously she can't accept you, then you don't need her. She is hardly a friend and if she hates you then why bother wit her. The weed thing is mostly likely a phase, I hope it is for you. Take my word for, those friends of mine back in HS days who smoked pot and DIDN'T stop went into harder shit...all landed in jail some way or another...and ALL have piss poor jobs (if any). I've smoked my share of J's. If you want to stop for some girl who isn't even nice to you then good, I suppose then at least something positive is coming out of it. Otherwise, I would say don't bother with the opinion of someone who hates you. Do you like her? Do it makes you guilty that she hates you because of the pot? I'd understand that.
Maybe this is the road you're on right now. And the street sign says Pot. It's a forked road and you can choose either way: the smoking road filled with bad lungs, jail, and pot, or the empty, foreign road. If this girl is the fork prodding you to finally choose (even if it's through hate) then maybe it's not so bad.
Choose.
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You've definitely gotten enough answers, but it never hurts to hear another perspective, eh?
Firstly, I completely disagree with your first sentence. I WILL not do weed and I never have. I have no plans to, and I will never put myself in a situation to. I know you're thinking "Yeah, whatever- you have that goal to, but you'll break it once you get to college." Well really, I cannot smoke ever [not that I want to] because I have asthma, and that would be the stupidest thing ever to do that to myself. So no, I won't ever smoke it.
Anyway- what you should do is, if you honestly care about this person's opinion, well then change yourself, but if you don't, then don't. Health effects aside.
--Jack
(16/m)
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The first two sentences of your question are unnecessary and are not relevant to what you're asking. So why did you include them? Because you are making excuses and rationalizing your actions because what you're doing you deep down see as wrong.
So if you yourself see it as wrong, why is it such a stretch for someone to hate you for doing it? The only thing that will make her stop hating you is to quit all together. So what's more important? This girls friendship, or a drug that burns through your money and screws with your life?
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She hates you because you smoke weed. So she's going to continue hating you because you smoke weed. If you really want her to not hate you anymore, quit smoking weed. Or, just tell her that weed is part of who you are and that you do want to be friends with her anyway.
And no, not everybody does weed at least once in their life.
Anyway, this is pretty simple when you look at it from a distance. If she hates you for what you do, either quit doing it or quit trying to make her not hate you.
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That girls stupid and she obviously has never smoked weed before. if you hangout with you her and she realizes your just a normal person and not a big pothead she'll probably get over it. But right now the only thing you can do about it is ignore her, or stop smoking weed.
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[EDITED TO ADD: I understand what you meant by the sentence now, but all of the below still fully applies. If weed isn't your life now, it will be if you don't stop. You may not see it now, and you may not see it then.]
You simply need to see her perspective before you can figure out how to deal with the situation. I understand that you want to be on good terms with her, and that's a super good thing to want really.
See, even if you don't pressure anyone to smoke weed, you are being a role model. Your friends hear about you smoking weed, or see you smoking weed, and feel that it must be acceptable. Your friends do not believe you'd make bad choices so they think you must know all about it. I'm sure you've gotten a few questions from your peers before about how weed makes you feel and such. ;) See what I'm saying?
Weed is your life. You even said it: "...she hates me cause i smoke weed, but it's my life." That is a really big problem though. Your friends are not as important as weed is in this very statement that you make. That's is a problem. You see, you are turning to weed for "fun" and entertainment and bringing down your friends with you. What ever happened to getting with some good pals and going roller-blading for the evening--not stoned so you can clearly remember the joy you have? It's really that simple. Your friends see you doing it and feel it's okay--so they slowly began to "try" it here and there.
Not everyone has smoked weed in their lifetime. Sure, I'm fairly young, but I've never had the urge to go out and smoke weed. Sure, I had a friend or two who did (and who are fried out to the max, you wouldn't believe it, man) but I stayed away from opening up to them. I knew they were bad news and I knew that if I got too close to them that they would suck me into the drug too. I know of many people who never smoked weed--but you know what? Those people are actually doing something with their lives.
Your friend's friend has every right to disapprove of you. You can hurt her friend terribly by just being friends with her. The closer that friend gets to you, the more likely she is to feel smoking weed is acceptable and began doing it herself.
Weed is a drug that you start off with. It doesn't seem like much but down the road you start looking for other ways to get a high or a good buzz going. My cousin started smoking weed when some life trauma happened--he later told me these very words: "Man, I've tried every drug I could get my hands on." What's even more scary is that his friends have done the exact same thing--and you ask how he got started with weed in the first place? Well, one of his close buddies started it--who had a close buddy who started it--who had a close buddy who started it. So, yes, it honestly is a gateway drug that becomes a black hole, sucking people who get too close.
So, the first problem that you need to figure out is this:
Weed is your life.
Make weed not your life. Sure, it sounds simple, but it takes a lot if you still plan on smoking every now and again. You simply have to cut everyone out and smoke it up as much as you desire or change and hide the fact that you do. That means you stop talking about it, doing it with people, smelling like it, acting like you're stoned, answering questions about it, etc.
I highly suggest you discontinue the use of the drug, but I know it tends to take a lot to get a stoner to stop. I know all the reasons why it's "good" and why it should be legal in the US. I know it's "not" addictive and you can just stop whenever you want. I know all of the "facts" and that "weed never killed anybody" (which is a laughing matter in itself).
I had a cousin who was taken away from his life because of weed--he use to be smart and an overall great guy--then after doing weed for a little while (~1 year), he couldn't remember his own home phone number--WHICH NEVER CHANGED SINCE HE WAS BORN! He seriously looked at the number ###-6011 and said, "I know that number from somewhere. Is it my lunch number? No...that can't be it...hmm...Hey, do you all know where I know this number from? I don't remember." He was serious with a dead serious look on his face when we had to tell him that it was the number to his house and had been for a good 16 years, if not more. I wish I was making this up!
His girlfriends slowly started to "try" it. The people who really wanted to be his friend (because he was, at one point, very nice and intelligent) ended up using with him because his time was consumed of weed. He talked about it, smelled of it, had charms of it, laughed about it, came to school a little high every now and again, and always wanted to "party" in his free time. You could NOT be friends with this guy unless you used too--that is what it came down to!
My cousin is now 22. He goes from house to house until they make him leave because he can't even hold down a job at Wendy's. He smokes weed. You call him up when you want to "party" with him. He doesn't do anything but lay around, reek of weed, and laugh all day. He has nothing going for him. He has broken veins all over his face. He isn't so smart anymore and if it came down to having a joint or saving someone's life he'd very much choose the high, claiming that he figured the person couldn't find a way out of the life/death situation. He no longer thinks things through. His friends do the exact same thing though. They all tried to work at Wendy's. They go to one friend's house (with their parents) to the other's, until the parents get fed up and make them leave.
My cousin, at one point, had a brother who was 33. He was dying of cancer (lung cancer that spread to the brain, liver, pancreas, and I think a kidney). The cousin was on morphine for the pain, naturally. His brother (the druggie cousin) calls one evening and says, "Hey, we're going to get kicked out of the place here. We don't have any money now. Can you get us some?" What's weird is they had just got a decent chunk of money (~600) the week before for rent. They had blown it on drugs because they wanted to "party" with a bunch of friends they met in Virginia! So, what does his dying brother do? He illegally sells his morphine, goes a good week in severe pain, and sends his brother some cash--that he does the SAME THING WITH! I mean, how selfish can you get for WEED?!
So, yes, that is why the girl does not like you. It isn't your attitude--it's your lifestyle. She is worried about her friend because she is a good friend and cares. She may have even seen you be pulled in from another person or witnessed people get pulled in by you. I mean, all you have to do is answer a few questions about why weed is oh-so-good and people get curious and wonder if it really is.
So, my suggestion:
Stop smoking weed.
If anything, you'll smell better :) seriously. Weed has an awful odor that sticks to your clothes and will seep out of your pores (which is natural for the body to be releasing toxins from the pores) and it really gives you a very unpleasant odor.
I know you won't and you'll make every reason up why you shouldn't, but you really should. That honestly is the only way this will be completely resolved.
I hope you listen and you realize why some people are very much against allowing you into their lives. Please reconsider what you've been doing to yourself. If you have any more questions, please feel free to ask me :)
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Well you may not want to hear this but she does care about you and this is her way of showing you. smoking weed is going to kill you and she really does want to help you but she doesn't know how so really this is the only way she can reach you and it's working. If you want to smoke it, tell her why. she will get upset at anything you say to her unless it's about quitting. So you'll never win this battle with weed and your friend.
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Back her into a corner and make her try it, then her mind will change. JUST KIDDING.
Honestly, she'll always have her own opinion. You can't change it. The only thing you can do is explain to her how you smoking weed isn't ALL that you are. Enlighten her with some facts about it, how it's not LETHAL and SO many people do it. She won't hate you even more, she just has some sort of snobby attitude about her it seems like. Her mind is narrow, and she has a one track mind on what's right and what's not. If she continues to hate you for ONE reason, you'll have no luck. She'll be a hopeless soul...
;]<3Kadi
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