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idk who i am
ive always been a pretty jelous person, not going to lie.. i am 14 yrs old and going to be a sophmore. i am pretty, a cheerleader, hang with the 'popular' crowd, have an older boyfriend, and a lot of friends. (not trying to brag, just want you to get the full idea, i would never say this to someone and i dont want to come off as a snob). so you may think i have all this, what more could i get, right? well most of my friends have A LOT more than i do. money wise. they are loaded for the most part.. and im not poor, but i cant afford what they can and i try to fit in my best. also, im not saying im fat, but im not skinny like my friends... i try to be SUPER nice to everyone, and i have a lot of apathy for many people but when you get on my wrong side, i can be the biggest bitch you will ever meat.
so now you know about me, lets get to the story.. i dont know who 'myself' is. for example, when somebody says "be yourself" i just cant because i dont know who i am. im always trying to follow my friends because for some reason im always jelous of them and their personalities. i dont know why. i try to say to myself that what i have in life is fine for me and i dont need to be someone else to be happy but it just happens.. if i hang out with one of my friends like 3 days in a row, ill immediately start to act and talk like them and its very wierd because i cant help it and it is very wierd and it lasts for a few days.
part of me thinks this happens because my mother is a complete bitch and always tells me im never happy, im such a butch, im so mean, no body likes me, im a fatass, (etc.).. she lowers my self esteem so much till the point where i cant take it any more and i tried to talk to her about it but she doesnt want to hear it. and i know you may say 'dont listen to her' well at first, i dont.. but then after, what she said repeats in my head and i cant help to believe it might be true. and the way she describes me, i dont want to be that way.. she makes me feel like my personality isnt good enough for people and maybe thats why i try to act like my friends.
someone pleas help me =(
and when someone says act yourself, i seriously dont know how to act because i dont know how to act myself.. its hard to explain but please help me with that too!
thank you=)
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Maybe give some free advice about: Mental health?
When people say to be yourself, you have to just do what you would do and not what your friends do. Imagine not being like your friends and just yourself for a second. What kind of personality would you have? When you hang around your friends for a long time, yeah, you start to act like them, but you should always do whatever that voice inside your head tells you (opinion wise). I don't know if this is a help or not but i hope it is.
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Its okay to not fully understand who you are. You are only 14. Just because your still finding yourself, doesn't mean you need to act like your friends. Thats not fair to you, or them. What you need to do, is look for things you like to do, don't copy other peoples personalties, because if God had wanted you to be like them, He would have created you to be like them. Its okay to be not sure of who you are, Im 17 and I have my doubts sometimes, I try to act like other people too, but you know what, I'm most comfortable in my own skin, when I'm being myself. As you get older, you will figure it all out who you are and everything. It just takes a little time, and you have to trust. I used to be just like that, where I would copy my friends and talk just like them, but you know what, there their own person, we don't need 2 of them, ones fine, and I like having my own sayings and my own laugh, my own personalty, my own self, being who I am. I'm sorry if this is confusing, but its something you will learn with time, you need to really do soul searching to find who you are. And just beacuse your pretty, popular and a cheerleader, doesn't mean you are going to be happy, you need to find who you are, otherwise, youll be a spitting image of everyone else, and youll become a lost soul. What you need to do, is take the time to find who you are, but creating you own identity, and finding stuff you like to do.
Good luck, like I said Im 17, I don't know who I fully am yet, but I'm comfortable in my own skin. Thats what you need to do too, is just wake up every morning, thank God for the new day, and don't dress like other people or try to be like them, make your own style. And just b/c your friends have money, oh please, you don't need to be rolling in the dough, to have friends or keep up with them, thats what I meant before, you have to learn to be comfortable in your own skin, and you have to figure it out on your own. It comes with time.
Good luck! <3
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Have you ever heard the saying "show me who your friends are and I'll show you who you are"? Well this couldn't be more true. When you are around someone a LOT then you can't help but pick up on the way they act. It's like someone who is born in one state and raised in another. Even though they were born in New York, if they were raised in Texas around people with that country slang, guess what..that's what they become. New York is by no means "country" but you can't help but to pick up the accents and actions of those around you. You are like a lot of other girls your age who are cheerleaders, popular, etc. They let the "popularity" get to them and they become the person everyone wants them to be so that they don't lose that. I used to be there. I knew that it wasn't "me", but I wasn't ready to give up everything that I had gained from it. What you need to do is sit down by yourself (in your room or somewhere quiet)and write down all the things you enjoy or want to do. Now when you make this list, don't write down things you and your friends do, don't even stress whether or not this is something they would enjoy. This is your turn to be completely selfish, write down things YOU would like to do. Once the list is complete, go do some of these things by yourself. Use this as a chance to meet knew people. This way you don't feel like you have to be someone else to have friends. You don't have to get rid of your friends now, just broaden the spectrum, ya know? Once you get out with people that have more common interests with you than cheerleading and popularity, you'll start to see how much life has to offer, and you'll even learn who you are along the way. I'm sorry this is so long and I hope I helped out atleast a little. Please let me know how things turn out for you. Also, don't forget that some of the friends you hang out with may be feeling the same exact way! Money can't buy everything, it's just to fill a void of the things you don't have! Good luck babe!
<3 Leslie
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