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boyfriend dilemma
I have been dating a guy for two years almost. I have a nine year old son and Im a working professional. My goals are high and I also attend online college to finish my paralegal degree. My boyfriend lived with his parents until two years ago and has worked several jobs since we met. Why am I with this guy?? He is great with my son and has a big heart. I've always been looking for the loving man that will sit at home with me on Friday nights and I have met him. We never have the money to go out or on vacation. I do not have a ring yet?? He works jobs to get by. We still live in a apartment and I drive a new car and his is lucky to still be running. I'm 28 and I have never been materialistic, but I would like to have more??? I'm confused, please help.
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That's a tough one. Nice guy, no drive. I know that the fact that he is great with your son makes it an even toughewr decision whether to continue the relationship or not. But I think the fact that you are so driven and he is not will, ultimately, ruin the relationship. Do you respect your boyfriend? If you don't, there is your answer. You are young and you had a child young...there is nothing wrong with you wanting to go out on weekends or on vacation. You might have missed a lot of things to become a mom (all worth it of course!!) I think you need to have a heart to heart with him and find out what his goals are. You say you don't have a ring--do you want to marry this man? Does he have the same ideas? Do you want more children? There is a lot to consider. You could also do nothing and let this run it's course but I think you can't do that...and maybe you already have plenty of doubts since you did take the time to write for advice.
Remember, there is nothing wrong with being alone...and you already have someone to spend Friday nights at home with--your son! You have a lot going on with being a mom, working, going to school...you should feel very proud for all you do!
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There is nothing wrong with wanting more.
You know what it is like to have responsibilities.
He really doesn't.
Its worth sitting down and having a long
talk about. Is this the way he plans to
muddle through life? What is he waiting for?
There is also nothing wrong with you being
the family breadwinner someday. Does he pick
up after himself? Would he make a good
househusband? Will the relatives give you
static about it if you went that route?
The whole thing in a nutshell is that you
have been going out almost 2 years. A big
commitment of time on your part at your age.
Its time to sit down and find out if there
is a future with this guy. Are you going to
be able to live with a guy with little
motivation to be what YOU consider successful.
Is he going to set a good example for your son?
If he gets up every morning and goes to work
and doesn't just quit on a whim with no other
job to go to...thats ok.
If he has the attitude that its ok to quit, someone will support him until he finds
something he can stand to do is not.
Talk, find out if he has any goals you
can live with, without resentment down the
road. If the answer is no, move on. Staying
is a waste of your time. If you think he
is being realistic, given his education,
and it is something you can live with,
carry on.
Best of luck with this big decision. :)
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A lot of people have this same problem. You should tell your boyfriend you need more. Hopefully he will try harder to get a steady job and help pay the rent, but in the end you have to ask yourself if he is worth it.
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