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A question about body image...
Hi, you answered my question about my using pictures as a sort of goal for myself. Well, I had another question. I put part of it in the feedback I think, but wanted to elaborate more because I think I need another answer to this slightly different question.
Well, I'm trying to eat healthier to make a difference and stuff like that. But the thing is, when I eat something, I feel guilty about it. Not guilty enough to throw the food back up, but guilty enough to not feel like eating for a very long time. Today I tried just eating two meals, and I still felt bad about eating.
What should I do? I'm kinda getting a little scared at this point because no matter what I do...eat 2 meals a day or eat nonstop, I can't make myself feel better. I'm never good enough.
I've had a really rough year full of people just being mean (for lack of a better term) and people ditching me or just walking out my life. I'm never good enough, ever. Not for them, and not for me. I don't know what to do, I've tried changing so many things and this is one thing that I can have control over you know? I can control what goes in my body and I can control it. Maybe then I'll be good enough.
It's really hard to find the words to describe what's going through my head, so I tried my best...
If you do get around to answering this, I really appreciate it. Thank you =/
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Maybe give some free advice about: Health?
I completely understand how you feel.
I think a lot of people, including me, have been in a similar situation where we've been left to "fend" for ourselves in life. What I mean is, we all lose friends and such throughout the years and sometimes something happens and we lose the important people and it turns out entire lives upside down.
It really sounds like what is happening to you. You are young and peers mean a lot in your life. It is human nature to want/need to be accepted by others. When others don't accept you, of course you're going to turn to drastic measures and feel completely out of place.
My mother left me a few years back. I was so attached to my mother at the time. I thought we were best friends even. We went out shopping every day, had lunch every day, and made lots of neat memories. One morning she put me on a bus for a school-trip and when I returned she was just gone. She had packed her things and completely left me (along with the rest of my family, of course). It was devastating. My own mother didn't want me, and she couldn't even stand to be around me apparently.
I bet you feel the same as I did, though. Your friends walked out of your life when you thought they'd be there. You thought someone would ALWAYS have your back. You thought someone actually cared about you and then suddenly they vanish from your life. You immediately just "know" it's your fault in some way and that if you had been different, things wouldn't have turned out the way they did.
See, you're not alone ;)
And I want you to know, I care about you. I have your back and I won't just disappear on you when you need me. I'll be on Advicenators for a long, long time and I'd even be willing to exchange emails with you for supportive reasons.
That may not seem much right now, as I'm a complete stranger, but it's honest and I really do want things to turn out the best for you. If you need me--ever--just let me know.
Anyway, what it sounds like has happened as you have blamed your own appearance on why people have left your life. We all blame SOMETHING, and appearance is one of the most "obvious" things for teenagers. Our society tells us that appearance is EVERYTHING, and I'm sure you've heard such things before.
My suggestion to you is this:
Sit down and talk to your mother. Tell her what you're telling me. Tell her all of your deepest things you've locked inside so she knows just how serious you are. Let her know that you need her to help you. Don't be afraid to cry or have a very long conversation--show your emotions so she knows you're not just kidding around.
Get help now before things worsen. I promise they will worsen. Maybe you can't quite see it now, but things are going to be really bad if you don't get the help you are so desperately needing. I can see it. You NEED help.
Go to your therapy and tell them everything that they want to know and things they may not even want to know--everything!
Keep trying to eat healthy. I know it's hard right now, but if you keep in the habit and you go to therapy to work out these issues you have then things will get better and you won't feel as guilty as you do about eating.
Eat. Make a week plan of EXACTLY what you're going to eat and when. Try to get all of your food groups in adequately. This is your "homework" assignment from now on. You HAVE to eat. It isn't your choice any more. This is what you HAVE to do. You are controlling your HEALTH.
So, make out a healthy week's meal plan and stick to it. Try to have healthy snacks during the day--celery, carrots, small salad, apple, etc. I'm definately not saying have cakes and cookies, but turn to healthy foods and try to get as many of them as you can right now.
Pick up a multivitamin. You're, most likely, lacking a lot of nutrients that your body really needs, especially at this young age. It isn't a substitute for good eating, but will help out a little while you're trying to get healthy.
Control your body's health, not it's destruction. Do things to build muscle. I joined Curves to help me stay fit (and I can most definately tell you about that if you'd like). Try to find the healthiest foods possible--organic foods are pretty darn good and some are hard to find. Focus on health not thin.
If you are weighing yourself obsessively, then stop. Weigh yourself once every 2 weeks--once every month is even better. If you have been exercising, expect to weigh more because muscle is heavier.
It really sounds like you're on the road to anorexia. Please don't follow that path. It is very hard and so hard to recover from. Please get help while you're young. Eating disordered people are miserable. There was even one here on Advicenators that was having such a hard time stopping her disorder, it was really Hell for her. This isn't something to mess with, please don't harm your body like that.
If you have any more questions, PLEASE feel free to ask me. I really want you to be happy and healthy.
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