I have a child with my boyfriend (been together 3 years with an almost 2 year old). I love him, but I am not "in love" with him...like I don't feel deep down and really don't miss him when he's away, and recently have not even been sexually attracted to him. I have been in love with someone else for 8 years and I believe in my heart that one day we will find eachother again...but it could be a very long time from now. Recently I have decided that I am ready to expand my family (have another baby) and settle down, purchase a home. My boyfriend wants to move to alaska and buy a home together and have another child. I just don't know if I should wait for my true love, or pursue my other dreams with the man I already have...like the song that goes, "If you can't have the one you love, love the one your with". thanks for the advice
[ Answer this question ] Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category? Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life? sin_c_chic answered Tuesday July 29 2008, 10:37 pm: WOW! What a complicated situation! First off, you need to leave the guy you are with. It's unfair to you, unfair to him, and unfair to this child you have. I saw that someone else said you should stay with him for the child. It is true that this will be hard on the youngin, but what happens if your "true love" comes along? You sound to me like as soon as it happens you are going to jump on that boat. What if it's say 5 years down the road? Now you potentially have a five year old and a seven year old. They are now old enough to realize that mommy and daddy are apart, but too young to cope with it. I can tell you really like the guy that you are with, but it takes love to have a happy home. Love goes both ways. You need to break it off with this guy (even if the other doesn't come around) so that you all can split amicably (and not because of another man). You all can sit down and discuss custody, etc. It's not your fault and you aren't a bad person for it. You can't make yourself love someone. Kids don't always seem to understand what is going on, but they WILL feel the tension. You don't want that for them do you?
Secondly...and this is ONLY after all is said and done with your current boyfriend, you need to tell this "love of your life" how you feel. Give him the chance to say whether or not there is a future with him. If he says there is not, then you need to accept that both of these guys are just stepping stones to the man you are supposed to be with.
Hun, you can't stay with a man just because he's available or because you "like" him. And you DEFINITELY shouldn't continue to build a family like this. Sit him down, tell him that your feelings aren't the same anymore. Tell him that you aren't IN love with him and that you want to do whats right by him, yourself, and your child. He may not understand now, but when he is with someone who loves him the way he loves you, then he will thank you! I know that good things will come to you both in time. Patience, although hard, is a virtue. Good luck and please keep me informed. I hope I could be of atleast a little help.
BrunetteBeauti answered Tuesday July 29 2008, 9:43 pm: There is also a saying that goes "Never leave the one you love for the one you like, because the one you like will leave you for the one they love." In your situation the one you like loves you a lot but if you dont feel the same way it is not fair to him because youre giving him false information and its not fair to you because you're just staying with him because hes already there. Honestly you should listen to your heart, do you want to stay with him or are you ready to leave? You can still remain friends if you do break up with him and discuss matters about your child, but why have another child with someone youre not in love with? you should really think about your decision. Good luck [ BrunetteBeauti's advice column | Ask BrunetteBeauti A Question ]
advisorprincess answered Tuesday July 29 2008, 9:37 pm: wow that is a complicated situation. you're in love with another guy but you already have a child with this guy. i definitely think that you should stay with the guy you already have. if yall seperate, think what would happen to the child. but you seriously need to get over that other guy. if you're in love with him, then you're never gonna live in peace wiht this guy yoiu already have. just try it. good luck!
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