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sexual abuse
I need some advice FAST I want to know what to do about my boyfriends son, I think he was molested by another boy when he was younger. He is on the verge of telling us. He is 22 yrs old. He has alot of rage inside of him, he has just beat up his girlfriend & talks of thoughts of killing people.
How do we handle this when he tells us (which I suspect is the molestation I mentioned) What is the appropriate thing to say & then do after the fact. He does not trust or like alot of people, I'm afraid of where he is headed
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first of all you need to put him in professional care. not just a psychiatrist if he has thoughts of killing people. you need to get this girlfriend away from him because if his anger gets out of control, he'll hurt her worse than ever and no one wants that.
when he tells you, you need to calm him down. i'm guessing when he tells you he'll be looking for sympathy considering that face that he's decided to open up. so give him what he wants. if he wants to close the discussion afterwards then don't force him.
do not blame him for not trusting people, he has all the right to and even if he gets professional help and all the anger is taken out of him, he'll still have trust issues
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Maybe this can help:
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I got that link from the following page, which you may find helpful, also:
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I wish nothing but the best of luck to you in helping this young man overcome his past.
ygs-30/f
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You need to see if you can convince him to get psychiatric help. Even if he was never molested as a child, if he is beating up his girlfriend & speaking of hurting others, then he really needs help.
It would be a horrible feeling for you and your boyfriend if his son were to kill someone because of his psychiatric problems and you knew how he was feeling.
If he refuses to seek help, you have to make the decision on whether or not you want to get a court order saying he is not able to choose his own medical decisions.
I'm not saying put him up in a mental institution. I just think he needs to be evaluated by a psychiatrist to determine where these thoughts and feelings are coming from (as you said, probably a molestation) and then to see if and how they can work through them.
As for what you were saying on how to handle what he tells you - you really just have to be there for him. You see it coming, so it won't be too big of a shock. Crying would be okay. Don't be afraid to cry. He will probably cry, too. Don't push him on every little detail. Let him tell you what he wants when he wants.
I understand you say he doesn't like/trust many people, but I really think he needs it.
When I was younger, I had to see a psychiatrist for my eating disorder. I hated my first one. She was some old lady that just didn't feel right. I had a guy who I felt uncomfortable around. I also had this younger woman who was probably in her early 30s. I really liked her and she really helped me sort through my problems.
My point is - sometimes it can take a while to find the RIGHT help, but eventually it comes along. I'm not really sure 100% what to do in his case. I don't want to tell you something and have it backfire, especially in such a serious case. All I know is that he needs someone to talk to, someone who will listen, and someone who knows what to say and when to say it. Usually I'd go with a professional, but it's realyl up to you.
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