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my girlfriends step-mom has more control then her dad - what to do?
Alright so my girlfriend of 7 months has gone through a lot. More than anyone I know and I am surprised she is still her. But anyways she just got a cell phone 4 or 5 months ago and it's a pay as you go phone. Her step-mom said she could only use it for emergencies. Of course like any teenager she didn't go by this. But she buys all her own phone cards and everything. Well a few nights ago I was talking to her about our amazing weekend (long story) well my phone has bad reception in my house so I thought it had dropped the call. I waited a minute to call her back and when I did her step-mom answered. Thats when I figured out she hung up because she came in. Well anyways she told me that she was only to be using this phone for emergencies and that she will have to talk to me another time. Then the next day she called me for just a minute to say she has been groudned for 2 weeks. She can't see talk or do anything with anyone. So pretty much isolation. And this is all my fault and now we may not get to go to the Journey concert we planned on for months since that is within these 2 weeks. I just feel the need to make things right. And to know if her dad had any say in the punishment. Because honestly it should be up to him and not the step mom since it's his daughter. Is there anything I can do to make this right?
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Most likely any thing you do will make the problem worse. To let them know how long she has been disobeying will get her in even more trouble.
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It doesn't sound like there's much you can do. You are absolutely right about what "should" be going on - no step parent should be the primary diciplinarian in any family. That being said, this family is clearly askew in the way it works. I suggest e-mailing her a lot (if that's allowed). If you are really brave, you could go over to her house and apologize to her parents ans ask them to let her out on the night of the concert (promising to never call the cell phone again). Of course, that could completely blow up in your face and would definitely be scary. If you are desperate though, it is an option.
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Stay out of it.
It's not all your fault, she knew the rule and she broke it. She even broke it and got caught. That is her bad, not yours and interfering now can only make things worse.
It is none of your business if her father was involved in the punishment or not. It's not your business how her father and step-mom choose to sort out discipline duties. Your opinion just doesn't matter at all. It would be rude and impertinent to share it with them, not to mention counter-productive, because if you get on her parents bad side, they will be even less likely to let her go to the concert.
One of the best arguments she has to offer about the concert is that to not go would be disappoint and let you down as well, after making the agreement to go with you. If you piss off her parents, that argument looses its potency.
And the truth is it is right that she was punished for breaking the rules.
An employer could punish an employee if they broke a rule and say… used the computer for personal things, even if they only did it on their lunch hour or after hours.
A police officer could punish you for speeding on a road even if there wasn’t anyone else around you could have hurt.
You might not agree with the consequences your friend is facing, or the rule that she was supposed to obey, but your opinion isn’t going to change anything. The only thing that will happen, if you try and help her escape her punishment, is that you’ll piss off her parents even more.
Send her an e-mail or something and let her know you are thinking about her and want to chat when she is able. She will probably find someway to reply in the next week. That really is the only thing you can do for her.
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