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Should I do anything?
I used to be best friends with this girl up until about 1 year ago. We had a lot of problems in our friendship, because we had differing ideas about where we wanted to go. She was hell bent on becoming popular, whereas I was not. She basically kicked me out of her life.
On top of that, just recently, she dated my ex. She was my best friend while we were together. That really upset me.
Anyways, I've noticed this, for a long time. My former best friend is lost. And I mean that. She is utterly, and completely lost within herself. She pretends to be happy, and is trying to promote this happy, "sexy" (wearing revealing clothing) version of herself.
Other people may buy it, but I don't. I can see right through it. She is not happy. In fact, I will go so far to say that she is extremely depressed.
Should I be doing anything about this? I feel bad for her, and feel like I need to help her.
I think, "It's my duty as a friend..." but then I realized..we aren't friends.
Currently, we don't really talk.
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unlike the previous answers, i think that you should help you former best friend. i know that you have problems with the other girl dating you ex. i may have this completeley wrong in which case you should e-mail me at jammy369@msn.com and tell me what happened bewtween your former friend who is currently depressed and why you are on the terms you are on with her. i may have a one sided view on this but i used to be best friends with a girl during junior high but then she completeley pushed me away and there were a few other issues but we don't need to go into that now. worst part was she had plenty of friend and until recentley i had none (though my new friend has no moved to hong kong so i'm back to square one!)so i had to hate her inside. but even before that hapenned i suffered from slight clinical depression which got worse while this happennes.
Anyway, i pretended i was fine , with a few lapses, but really i weas getting worse, including a suicide attempt. all in all, i had a rough time. Now, your friend may not be having such a bad time, and it may be thing at home, not you or school or friends, but it can NEVER be a bad thing to be extra friendly, maybe ask her stuff about her life , you know, to get her talking, because when i had some one to talk to it was so much hmore helpful. because depression is an Exetremeley sensitive time. even going for an hour with out taliking to anyone or being ignored, sent a spiral of bad thoughtss my way and it goes in a cirlce. i don't mean to mke you fee guilty, cos you shouldn't but a friendly face always help but don't make it TOO obvious. i am often depressed and i know how awful it is.
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I think the most important thing for you to do here, is address your own feelings, not hers.
You might be absolutely right about the feelings you are attributing to her, but you also might be completely wrong. Reaching out to her assuming that she is depressed and miserable would be insulting and belittling. Even if it’s true, I can’t imagine she’d appreciate it being pointed out point-blank.
So, what are YOU feeling? Are you morning the loss of this once close friendship? Do you want her to know that you still care about her despite the changes you both have faced in the last year? Do you wonder about how she is doing sometimes and wish you could talk to her like you used to do?
Those are YOUR feelings, and are definitely things you could share with her! See how I phrased those questions so that they aren’t about her at all. They don’t assume anything, but express what you are (maybe) feeling. That is the best way to re-open communication with someone, not by trying to diagnose them or make assumptions, but telling them what you feel and why you want to communicate with them again. You could write her an e-mail or letter if you’d like. That can be a good way to really make your first contact exact and controlled.
Don’t expect sudden intimacy from her. You can’t force friendship. If all you can give her is a friendly conversation with a friend or time at a good movie, that’s fine. If she wants further friendship or intimacy from you, she’ll let the conversation tend that way. If you want to reach out, reach out with your own feelings and reasons, and see if she reaches back with hers.
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