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a person from my school just died
A girl from my school and her boyfriend just died in a car wreck. They were 16 and 17. For some reason, though I didn't know them personally, this really makes me sad. I did know one of her best friends though, so I just sent a little "I'm sorry" to her through email. I'm sure she already has a lot of those. There was also a bulletin posted in her memory asking everyone to re-post it and ave a moment of silence for her. I didn't feel like reposting it, but a lot of people did. Well, I got a reply from my "I'm sorry". The friend got really mad at me and said I didn't even know this girl and everyone should stop acting like they did. Now, I know she must be going through a lot of pain, but is really that bad for me to say I was sorry? She also posted a bulletin on myspace this morning about how no one knew the girl like she did and everyone should stop pretending like they cared. I really don't want to start something, and I know what she's going through (I've had family deaths and severe injuries related to car accidents), but this is sounding a little rude to me. I mean, if I were to die, or a friend were to die, I would want people to care. Please help me understand, why in the world this girl is hating everyone for caring?
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my aunt and grandma died in cosecutive weeks and eople came up to me and said that they were really sorry and i hated it because they didn't know them. and i didn't say anything but i was pissed off inside. you have a right to be saddened but don't take it personally. she sounds upset and she is reacting normally to a close friends death. it is upetting for her so just be nice to her and instead of saying your sorry, give her time and just talk to her about things, offer to help her, pair up with her in classes because she doesn't have a best friend to help her. Do Not replace her best friend because she will hate it but hel her in sublt ways. don't make her depend on you but be nice to her becaus e she needs it. and her being rude to you just means she is taking her friends death badly, it's not your fault AT ALL!
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The only answer is that some people go through grief differently. You know in your heart that you meant well, and this girl is just having trouble accepting what has happened. Don't let her make you feel bad for giving her support.
Almost two years ago, a girl that was in my group of friends died. At her funeral, there was a chick who wanted to sing. So this girl gets up in a glittery, inappropriate cocktail waitress outfit and completely makes a show out of it. It was disrespectful, but nobody said anything. Then, at the one year memorial, she did the exact same thing, and nobody said anything to her. I'm still not sure if that's just her way of showing grief (because she didn't really know my friend that died), but it's anyone's place to judge the way she acts in a time of tragedy.
So the moral of this story is that you just have to grin and bear it. The girl that you emailed is making a fool of herself, just like the girl that sang did. But if you say anything, then people will consider you the rude one. It's a hard situation, but the girl you're talking about is going to get over her hate eventually (even if it's not for a long time) and be grateful that people reached out to support her.
I think her problem is that she's grieving and doesn't want to have to deal with all the attention at the same time. Regardless, you did nothing wrong and you shouldn't have been treated like that- but you'll just have to grin and bear it. She's grieving in her own way, which is fine, but allow her to do so.
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Just because you did not know her personally does not mean you cannot be upset about a death. It is someone that goes to your school, which is scary and upsetting, so no one has the right to tell you that you cannot grieve.
I, too, went through this. A guy on my Cross Country team committed suicide last year. Him and I were not close, just a hi in the hall way kind of thing. I was crushed when I heard he died. It is such an unreal situation. They had people who were crying and upset go to the library, and his best friend was there. They were all telling stories and crying together, and one stated that half the people in the library should not be there, because they did not know him.
He says this because he was the guy's best friend, they did everything together. It was true what he ment, but I took what he said in a different way. He said half the people did not know him, but I think he ment that half the people did not know him like he did, which was undoubtfully true. Nobody knew him like he did, and no one was trying to take that away from him. In fact, the people in the library are just trying to comfort him, and everyone around him.
It was upsetting hearing that, but I do understand where he was coming from, and you should too.
It was her best friend who died, and she is just as upset as you would be in this situation. Don't say anything back to her, let her grieve on her own, this seems like the only way she could grieve is out of anger, which is understandable.
This is a difficult time for everyone, but you have every right to feel bad about what happened, because it is not something anyone wants to go through. It shows you have a heart and that you care for the people around you, even if you do not know them.
You are sweet, and keep being sweet to those even though they are not back. It is what they need right now even if they do not think so themselves.
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that's just how she deals with grief.
you can't really control what she says, but i would just give her some space because she is going through a lot.
i've done that to people before too, and i then regretted it, but she will know sooner or later that she blew up at a lot of people.
a lot of people do that, so don't feel bad.
she's just stressed.
she's not HATING anyone, she's just upset.
:] hope i helped.
and no, saying sorry is not bad, you were just being nice.
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