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best guy friend over other friends, hard to explain.
16/f.
Okay so I've known this guy for mostly all my life around 13 years. Well within the past year we became really close, like bestfriends. People thought we were dating because we were always together and the way we acted around each other. Well here's where it kind of gets tough. I'm not going to lie, I've had feelings for him before, but he didn't have any feelings back. Which obviously bugged me but that didnt bother our relationship. So it's been about 8 months since i stopped having feelings for him. But its difficult. Because i cant tell if i still have feelings for him anymore. Could i have been in love with him? I mean i liked him for a long time.
I can never tell whether or not i like him, but then when people ask i just say i dont know. He knew i liked him, but wasnt going to let that get in the way of things. How do you tell whether you still have feelings for someone, or whether you love someone? please dont tell me to talk to him, because he's not the type to just talk about this openly, he actually hates it. Our friendship kind of fell apart, and now all my friends think i should dump him as a friend. i dont even know if i have feelings for him, how can i dump him as a friend? ugh im confused, how do you know if you have feelings for someone who you thought you were over? How do you know your in love with someone? please help.
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
I have a situation similar to yours. When you have a guy best friend, there's always going to be some level of attraction. There's nothing you can do to help that. But you have to ask yourself... would you rather keep him as a best friend forever, or chance it, confess your feelings, and then risk losing him? I chose to keep mine as a best friend. Honestly, I feel like I still do have feelings for my best friend. Just don't dump him as a friend, whatever you do.
Do whatever you can to strengthen your friendship, without making him think that you're hitting on him. Truthfully I think he probably has feelings for you too and doesn't want to screw up the friendship.
I don't think you're in love with him necessarily, but it's pretty obvious that you do have a strong bond with him. Maybe you should try to focus that bond on being a best friend bond, not a romantic one. I have no doubt that you love him, but is it a romantic love or a brother/sister love?
I hope I helped.
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"Dumping" your friend doesn't seem like the best idea. And it's possible that your friends could be jealous of the fact that you and him were so close. So it's not worth it to lose a close friend over something like that.
And while you might not be "in love" with him, I think you definitley do still "love" him. Be it as in a significant other, or just how you would love a best friend.
I'm not sure why your friendship fell apart with him...was it because he knew you had feelings for him? Because if you're ok with him not feeling for you back, but you miss him as a friend, I think it might be best to put those feelings on the back burner for now and just work on being friends again. Let him know that that's all you want as well. If you guys are best friends, I think you should be able to repair whatever was broken.
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First- leave your other friends out of this. They will tell you what to do that is convenient for THEM- not you.
Do not "dump him as a friend". That's really stupid, lame, etc. You have been friends your whole lives, and you're going to end it because your friends want you to? If that's the reason, don't.
I think you still "love" him, and the reason I think that is because the idea is in your mind. Obviously you've been thinking about this entire thing, him included, for quite some time. You're thinking about him, if I'm not mistaken, and USUALLY when you think of someone a lot, you are fond of them. [Sorry, I've just always want to use "fond" ;].]
If you don't really think about him much, and you're really not wanting to be friends with him [before your friends gave the awful suggestion], then I would say you don't love him. There's nothing wrong with not loving him anymore, but making that the reason you end the friendship is a pretty weak excuse. He didn't DO anything. He didn't like you, and you don't seem too upset about that, so WHY end it?
I was in a similar situation as you before. Basically, I liked her, she didn't like me, and she was pretty brutal about it. Our friendship fell apart for about three months. But then after she finally got over it, and we talked, we became friends again. And we've been best friends since then, and even before then.
Don't let this end the friendship- it doesn't have to. If you just let things settle down for a bit and then maybe try going back to normal, it could work.
--Jack
(16/m)
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