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upstairs girl
my boyfriend and i have been together for almost 3 years. we have a baby together and live together. we broke up for a period of 2 months and just 3 weeks ago, he moved back in, and we are going through couples counseling to try and work things out. everytime i even look in the direction of another man, i get world war 3 in my ear. every little movement i make is questioned...he even goes as far as looking at my cell phone constantly. clearly, he does not trust me, and to be honest, i dont trust him that much either, which is why we are going through counseling to work out our issues and built ourselves up. however, there is a girl that lives upstairs from us (we live in an apt. building) and she lives with her boyfriend and their one year old son. my boyfriend is friends with her boyfriend and i am cool with the both of them. i dont talk to them much, but have no problems with them and they seem like nice people that i could definately get to know. my boyfriend goes up there sometimes to hang out with them. well, her boyfriend went to jail a few days ago and my boyfriend continues to go up there. he goes up there at least once a day for a while at a time. some of her friends and family are up there most of the time, so her and my boyfriend are never alone. they all just hang out up there. however, i do not feel it is fair for him to be up there as much as he is since it DOES make me uncomfortable. just the fact that my man is constantly going to another females apt. time after time really gets under my skin. plus, when you look at the big picture, he is CONSTANTLY picking at every move i make(the trust issues) and constantly checking everything i do and everyone i look at and so forth. we have been arguing about this for the past week because my point is: if your girlfriend is uncomfortable with you going to another females apt. ALL the time, then you stop. no question about it. there should be no comparison and not even a fight about it. that girl should not mean nearly as much to him as i do, so it shouldnt matter. he says he is allowed to have friends and yes of course he is! but after all the crap i hear from him about what IM doing, i dont think its fair for him to get to run around and do whatever he wants and it should be okay. he said we dont have friends unless there mutual, and i agreed, even though i feel its rediculous. he said that because when we got back together, i had new friends that he didnt know. and, now that its time for HIM to follow his OWN rules, everything changes and it doesnt apply. and besides, this friend isnt mutual. he asks me to come up there and im always busy or doing something with the baby so i dont go. but flat out, if your girl isnt okay with something like that, then it should end there. any suggestions or opinions???
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I understand completely how you feel. There is always a trust issue in every relationship. It's normal but sometimes people go way to far. If I was you, I'd sit him down one on one. Tell him EXACTLY how you feel. Pour everything out in the conversation. Tell him that it's okay to have friends, but when you're spending more time with another woman than your girlfriend, then something needs to change. Just let him know how much you love & care about him and that you just want a healthy relationship again. Sometimes, honesty is the key. When he wants to go through your phone, hand it to him and just let him with no complaint. If he sees that you have nothing to hide, then he'll start trusting you more. Also, let him know that there is no reason for ya'll to not have trust with eachother. Guys can be good listeners if you start off with something that will make them want to sit down & shut up lol. ♥
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well your boyfriend is obviously upset about something. It is possible that they are having an affair but is is highly unlikely. So ask your boyfriend questions like why is it that you can hang out with whoever and do whatever you want but everything i do is questioned. and make him feel sure like saying on your part how can i cheat on you when we have a beautiful baby together.
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Sounds to me like this guy has serious control issues. You are a person, not a robot to be programed. If he wants things to work between you guys (which he REALLY needs to want that- there is a child involved) then he needs to work on his control issues in counseling.
Seriously... He needs to step back and look at his behavior. Would he want someone treating his CHILD that way?
No, it isn't right that he's going up there. Sure, she's a mutual friend and all, but in all honesty, SHE needs to come down and hang out with BOTH of you, rather than him going up to her. You would surely find that a comfortable arrangement, right?
If she's your friend, she'll do it that way. If not, some friend, aye?
ygs-30/f
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