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mother and sister
hello.
sorry that its long btw.
well my mom and my sister are having financial problems. my sister is 19 (20 in a month) and carries on leeching off my mom. she relies on her for money, even though she had a job. she was in £1000 debt, so my mom put it into her bank accound. if she needs money, she goes to my mom.
ive explained to my mother that putting money in her account is only a permanent solution to a temporary problem, and she shouldnt do it. she is an adult and needs to learn for herself. my mother still carries on.
they argue a lot whenever my sister asks for money, because my mom is finding it hard to get the money to give it to her. my mom has to pay the rent on the house,a s well as other finances. she has to ask my grandmother, who is quite rich to lend her the money, to give to my sister, so its like a generation to generation thing, lol.
if my mom doesnt give my sister money, they argue, and ir eally cant bear it. My sister swore that she was trying to sort herself out when they argued today, but i couldnt help but be disgusted, as i am using my sisters old phone, and there was a voicemail for her saying that they have found someone to cover her shift. when i ask her about it, her response was that she is trying to make them release her early, so that she can start her new better job, as she has allready handed in her resignation. i think thats absolutely stupid, as getting the money that she is not going to work for, will be better than recieving no money at all, which is what she is going. she tells my mom she is going to work (normally does night shifts, as a nurse) but i think she just stays at a friends house, or goes out at spends the little cash she has.
any advice for what i can do? for anything at all? thank you.
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You need to accept that this is not your problem.
I know that is really hard, because it affects you sooo much and it sounds like you are all living at home... but really, this your Moms problem, and she will have an easier time dealing with it if you back off.
The way you are working now, you are trying to tell your mother two things that no parent is comfortable hearing:
ONE That you, her child, is giving her sound advice and identifying her errors.
TWO That your sister, her child, is fucking up and needs to be allowed to suffer for it.
So, you need to do two things:
ONE Stop offering advice.
TWO Stop being critical of her child (your sister).
As long as you keep being critical of your sister, your mother will keep defending her.
As long as you keep trying to solve her problems with good advice, your mother won’t hear what you are saying.
Don't bring up the issues with your sister. If your mother brings them up, don't offer advice and don't criticize. Just Sympathize.
Say things like "I know Mom. I see you working really hard and it's sad." "Yeah, there is only so much money to go around." "I'm really sorry you are upset."
Focus on your Mom's feelings and what she sees happening. Take your own feelings and opinions out of the equation. Don’t talk about what you think your sister’s problem is, just listen and focus on your Mom.
I PROMISE, if you can go two weeks without criticizing or offering advice, your mother will start to criticize your sister to you, and will suddenly start getting fed up with her.
This really isn’t your problem, so when you stop being angry on your mom’s behalf, she will need to get angry on her own behalf. It might take a few weeks, but she will get angry for herself.
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