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Conflict with friends
Okay so basically here's the deal: I feel torn between two groups of friends that were once part of one big group. I will give them fake names because if they go anonymous you will all get confused. So one group consists of Lily and Nathalie, and the other group consists of Erica, Mary, Leslie, Yolanda, Dana, Mindy, and Milly. Some people in the Erica group are upset with Nathalie because she has a big attitude problem and complains a lot, and just takes a lot of things too personally or sees too much, to the point where she brings drama all the time. Yesterday, we were in the lobby of Mary's building and she and Erica asked me to give them "juicy gossip," meaning they wanted to know what Nathalie says about them. So I told them about how Nathalie felt like their group was separating themselves from me, Nathalie, and Lily, mainly because she wants our group of around 8 people or so to be together all the time but it just can't work out that way. My main problem is that although I agree Nathalie can be a pain, they're not very fair either. Yes, Nathalie says stuff about them particularly Mary, behind their backs, but are they being any better? I feel like they used me to get information, that they invited me to the picnic to be nice to me so that they could force me to spill information. I feel like they perceive me as a dull, lifeless person with no personality and no feelings and no opinions because I am very quiet, shy, and reserved around them---so they think this is how I always am. The truth is that I feel much closer and more comfortable with Nathalie and Lily despite Nathalie's attitude at times, and she can be nice too not always mean all the time. I don't feel as close to Erica, Mary, Leslie, Mindy---I consider them "friends" but not friends that I can trust with anything. I feel like such an idiot because I act like such a wimp, letting them manipulate me like that. I hate how everything looks at me like I'm nothing, like there's no use having me around at all. I hate it so much. Because the truth is that I am a great person who has so many aspirations, dreams, and interests, who cares about everyone around her.
And the other conflict was that Mindy and Leslie questioned how I could possibly be best friends with this girl named Ariana because, in their eyes, we don't do "best friend" things. Yes, I admit that we don't hang out 24/7, but we are best friends. She's my best friend because I don't have to hide and be shy and reserved with her, because she would never manipulate me in the way that they do. I am angry that they had the nerve to insult our friendship like that, wouldn't you be? What right do they have to question? They don't know anything about our friendship, and they don't see a lot of things...do I ever question their friendship? High school is over, and I am heading to college this fall. And you know what? I am ecstatic to meet new people, because these people have been driving me crazy and using me and being very disrespectful towards me. I doubt that I will keep in touch with most of them because of how they have treated me throughout this school year, and particularly, in Mary's lobby.
I don't like to have people hating me, but I don't like that they have hurt me this way. Should I talk to them about how I feel, or should I just keep it all inside and let them win, as usual?
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
First of all, you said it yourself; you feel more comfortable with Nathalie and Lily. So hang out with them. They sound like much nicer people who aren't using you.
Second, dump that other group of people. You say you don't feel comfortable around them, so don't be around them. They are using you for information, and that is SO wrong on SO many levels. They don't give a darn about you, and that is just the epitomy of users. Gahh.. just ditch them and go be with Nathalie and Lily. A little attitude isn't much to deal with. It's part of her character, and you can't really change that.
And don't let people tell you who you are "best friends" with. You are best friends with whomever you so please. You don't have to be the stereotypical best friends who are glued at the hip and do EVERYTHING together. A true best friend is someone you feel comfortable around, and Ariana is just that.
I say you should speak your mind about what they have done to you, and if they reject it and get all prissy about it, walk away and never talk to them again. Don't ever think of them and don't ever speak of them. They are worthless as far as I can see.
Do yourself a favor and be with Lily and Nathalie.
--Jack
(16/m)
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Just to add on...high school is over now and most of them are going away, is there any point in bringing on the drama? But then again, I don't want to just forgive and forget like that if it really bugs me...
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