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Habitual liar?
I think I have a problem with wanting attention. I texted this guy that I work with earlier last night and he knew that I was going to a party. And I did…but last night I had this dream where I was at the same party and I was closing my car door and the sharp part made a huge gash in my arm…and I didn’t notice it and went back inside and kept drinking. And then someone noticed it and made a big deal out of it and I was like “I didn’t even know that happened…” But then I was thinking…huh…I wonder what (the guy I work with) would say if I came into work and had that gash on my arm. I’m supposed to work with him today.
So without thinking about it I just took a razor blade and made a giant gash on my arm. I think I lack impulse control. Haha. But I think I have a problem with lying too. Cuz if he did say something I was literally planning on saying “I didn’t even know it happened” Like…I planned that out in the matter of seconds it took me to pick up the blade and cut my arm. I tend to do that a lot. Not cut my arm, but lie to get attention. And I don’t like preplan it. It’ll just happen in the middle of a conversation. But sometimes…when I don’t think before I say something…I end up saying something completely absurd. Like…not like it could never happen absurd…the stuff I say is completely believable…but like I’m thinking at the end of the conversation “I just BS’d my entire way through that conversation.” And it gets to the point that I have to filter myself when I’m telling the truth to certain people so that I don’t get caught in other lies.
How do I stop myself from lying on an impulse?
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Maybe give some free advice about: Random Weirdos?
I'm not really sure how to answer this, so I'll just say one thing before I give a bunch of links and pull things from them that seem important...
Whether you're going to lie or not- don't VOLUNTARILY hurt yourself. That's probably not the smartest thing you can do, which I'm sure you realize by now...
Link 1: [Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
From there:
1. Don't over promise. Many lies feel necessary because you've gotten yourself into a situation and you don't know how to get out of it. You can start by not over committing yourself with other people. Only promise what you can realistically do.
2. Don't make up too many rules for yourself. If you set yourself up by trying to be perfect, you will feel like you're failing and feel like you have to lie. Instead of "I am never going to be late for school again", try "I intend to stop being late as much as I reasonably can."
3. Talk to others about what you can realistically do. Are others making you stick to rules that aren't realistic? Many times parents, teachers, employers, boyfriends or girlfriends box us into a corner by making us follow their strict rules. If you are in such a situation, you will find that you are lying because you can't possibly live up to their expectations. You may not be entirely successful - sometimes you can't change your parent's ideas, but you can acknowledge to yourself that their expectation is ridiculous.
4. Make sure your heart is in what you are doing. If not, try to find a way to make it so. You have to stay in school, so find something that you really are interested in. You need to have a job - find ways that you can enjoy some aspect of what you do.
5. Don't be so hard on yourself. When you find yourself telling a lie, check it out first. Why did you? What was it you were trying to hide? Is there a way you can be yourself instead? Recognize the situations you tend to lie in, and start practicing just telling the truth.
6. Consider the consequences of a major lie. Coming out and admitting your mistake can make a world of difference, and sometimes the worst price is your self-esteem. That you can recover. If you can't do it, try a middle ground. Write a letter to yourself admitting what happened. Find a counselor who can listen to you and advise you. Getting it out of your head is the most important step toward stopping your torture.
Link 2: [Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
Follow These Seven Steps To Stop Lying
1) You cannot stop lying if you have not admitted to yourself that you have. Staying in denial state of mind only prolongs your pain and reinforces behaviors that make you unhappy with yourself. Therefore - admit and accept responsibility.
2) Make a list of all the resources you already know that works for you. List the strategies that have worked for you in the past, in all areas of your life, to achieve any type of goal. (For example: I stay motivated by listening to motivational tapes and reading books.)
3) Keep a list of your lying slips - the times you fall of the wagon. Ask yourself: "Hey, what happened? (For example: I was feeling insecure about my actions, so I lied , because it make me feel better.)
4) List the reasons why your lying did not address your problem. Ask yourself: "What didn't work here? Why not?" ( Example: Lying did not make me feel better in fact it made me feel worse about myself - later.)
If you can learn as much as you can from one lie, then the next lie isn't quite so traumatic. Remember, it's more important to think of progress rather than perfection.
Or past lies and behaviors are only information. Use it to correct and improve your present and your future. I read somewhere, "If life is worth living it's worth recording."
5) Invest in an expensive diary and start recording your actions. Record your reasons for lying. And start a dialogue with yourself.
6) Recording your actions make you aware. And you need to develop the skills of awareness. You may be too critical of your self. Are you? When you tried to stop lying for one day and you failed, do you feel guilty? Do you play the negative images repeatedly in your mind?
Remember: you are not your behavior. When you feel bad and find fault with yourself, you empower your lying habit. The best solution is to become aware of the lie, disassociate yourself from it - because you are not your behavior - and record how it made you feel.
7) The next step is to become an effective risk taker, because progress in life is always going to involve risk. I had many fears and bad habits and I knew I had to take action.
For example, that's why I confronted my fear of heights and I Bungy jumped 110 meters from a bridge over the Zambezi river. What I have learned is to be in control of my destiny. And my destiny was limited by my fear. Not anymore!
I (you) must be willing to become and actor. Not a reactor.
Even if you believe you cannot do it… just act as though you can - because from acting comes action and from repeated action comes believe.
Alright- I think that's enough. I think those two are really helpful, and if they aren't, I'll try to be less lazy and think of something myself ;]
--Jack
(16/m)
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Well i'm glad to hear that you don't preplan cutting yourself and such :P
Because that would be serious and bad.
So..my idea for you to stop lying on an impulse is to..before you say anything to a person always THINK about what you going to say.. Like take a min. and just re arrange your thoughts..then talk. I'm sure you would be able to do it :)
Uhm but..also think about your actions before you do them..I mean...don't you see yourself holding a blade in your arm and do you think "oh ...crap...i'm about to cut myself...well here goes!"
If you do try to once again slow down and think..."oh..crap what the heck am i doing..." and then place the dangerous object down :P
I hope this helped
-Serena
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