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16/f. I just found out that my mom cheated (or wanted to cheat) on her boyfriend of many years. He is in rehab for drinking and driving and has been in there since about late fall of last year. My mom is 36 yrs old and likes to party on weekends with my best friend's mom and some other people. That doesnt bother me, I like seeing my mom have a good time but my best friend told me last night that she overheard her mom talking about how my mom wanted to hook up or did hook up with my bfs mom's boyfriends friends. (Sorry for the confusion lol) And I've been thinking about it since she told me and it really bothers me. I never saw my mom as a cheater. My mom lives with in my grandparents basement but has an appartment that is for her boyfriend when he comes home and she tells my grandma and I that she stayed there after partying but now I'm starting to think she brought these guys over or stayed with them. I just don't know what to do. I can't even say she did cheat but I am about 90% sure.
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Damn. I am so sorry to read this. I know it hurts to hear about it or even think about this. I am first going to encourage NOT to question your mom about her actions or rumor(s) you have heard, because your mom is an adult.I do understand your concerns and embarrassment from this, as I too would be embarrassed and concerned. Usually I encourage openess and communication; however I am not this time, because there are some other issues going on that I have picked up on from reading your question.
Your mom is 36, not 56. That means that she still has some youth in her, regardless of the fact that she has birthed youth. (I am talking about the partying only). She is going to kick it sometimes, and that's cool but why not suggest that she spend some time with you on some of the weekends - (this is encouraging her to slow down a little bit instead of just pointing a finger at her causing a defensive response).
Also, it is important to watch the company kept, regardless of age. From a child to an adult the type of people hung around with do have some influences on lifestyles. I believe in accepting responsibility for actions, however if not around situations, what's the likelyhood of getting involved or being around it?
We as people do develop curiosities to try new things,if she is in deed going through this, then there is nothing wrong with asking her to keep her personal life away from you and your friends as it is concerning at times. Without going into detail about it with her out of respect. I know you like seeing your mom have a good time, but get this - you are her daughter. Wouldn't you feel better not being around her when she is having a good time, just to know she's happy should be enough? depends on what you're use to seeing. I used to kick it in front of my kids, with my friends, drinking, grilling, playing cards, talking Shi*, but you know what? I stopped b/c they were hearing TOO MUCH and I felt stupid doing things and talking about things they talk about at that age. How can I be a role model if I am not setting the example?
My mom NEVER kicked it around me. If she did, she respected me and herself to do it on her time without me around which made me respect her much more.
The cheating thing: If you want your mom to be happy then you understand that she shouldn't have to wait on someone who is locked up, in rehab or flat out isn't available to meet her needs (even if it's just taking a walk in the park) if she doesn't want to, She isn't married. You feel me?
She may have communicated with him that she is going to do her until he gets out, you never know - so try to not question your mom's relationships or judge them. We as mothers don't always tell our children everything and we don't intend on them over hearing everything either.
You must focus on yourself, your life and set goals to strive to be more in life so you get more out of life. The only thing to do, is keep your grades up, be happy and know that you are ONLY ACCOUNTABLE for what YOU do and what YOU get out of life. I can't say your mom is wrong or right, but we can say that she is an adult and old enough to make decisions for herself. At some point, her decisions and thought process may change, but only when she is ready for that change. There are things you can do to promote that change without forcing that change.
Asking for more time
Asking to go to the movies
cooking together
movie night at home
encouraging to move out of your grandparent's basement to start a new daughter/mother relationship all over to make it better.
Stop allowing your mind to make up scerios for you. :"I'm starting to think she brought these guys over or stayed with them" - don't focus on what if's, or what you think you thought, focus on what you know that you know! feel me? our minds are so tricky, hell they make you think things happened with your own self that never happened if you stay on the thought long enough so don't even play the game mentally with your self girl. Focus on improving your mind, spirit, soul and your self and there you find peace!
good luck darlin'! you can email me if you want to also: sophia_pettus@yahoo.com
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Wow what a rough situation.
Well, first off, unless you personally saw or heard your mom talking about this, don't believe it completely. I'm not calling your best friend a liar, but sometimes with things like this it's best to get the information firsthand.
If you're uncomfortable (which clearly you are, I'd be too), then maybe you should calmly talk with your mother. Don't go right out and ask her "Are you cheating on your boyfriend?!". I mean just sit down and talk with her about life, love, etc. Work up to bringing up the subject of her boyfriend. If she seems to be comfortable with talking about him, then maybe you could bring up your confusion. If she doesn't seem comfortable, drop the subject and try again later. We're looking for understanding, not confrontation.
I hope everything works out okay.
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