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My dad and his temper
16/f..My dad (47) lashes out at me for sometimes no reason or just the tiniest things. If something MINISCULE drops on the floor, he starts yelling at me, calling me a pig, an idiot..whatever. Today, I wore the wrong type of pants for my volunteer job...and he lashed out at me like never before, blaming me that he's gonna be late to work (when he wasn't even ready himself, he can't keep track of time and blames it on me at the last minute) and on the way there, he kept on mumbling to himself about what an idiot I was..what a bloodsucker I was...how I was a failure in life...And I just think it's completely irrational. If it was my sister's turn to walk the dog, he'd make ME do it...because he just wants to poke fun at it..the fact that I seemingly never do anything around the house. He controls what I eat and, unaware that I can contain myself, yells at me when I eat something extra or when I get a yogurt past 8 o'clock at night.
After all this yelling and screaming and driving me to tears and hysterical fits...he apologizes, acting like..oh, it was your fault..but I'm sorry I yelled at you. I'm sick of forgiving him and I hate him sometimes. I'm actually so used to his yelling everyday, that I'm beginning to hate him like forever. I know I COULD live without this stress...the nerves. He drives me up the wall with his screams. Only with HIM do I throw tantrums. I'm a very calm person and I can stay quiet for days. But he just makes me shout, yell and bawl my eyes out. He doesn't even respect the fact that I'm on a serious depressing medication (Accutane).
What can I do about this? Anyone who can relate?
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alright girl, heres the deal, my dad is my best friend, my hero, and he is the same way with me.. he ALWAYS gives me the lecture about life and how it isnt always fun and how i make bad decisions.. but i'm about to be leaving and doing things on my own in the military. as much as it hurt me, i never let him know that he got to me. he didn't deserve the satisfaction to know he was getting through to me, and neither does your father. lucky for you, your mom sticks up for you sometimes.. mine NEVER did.. she would sit back and let it happen, and a lot of the times i got yelled at by him because of her.
i wanted to run away.. there was times i thought key word THOUGHT it was so bad that i'd rather be dead.. and one day i was wtf am i thinking.. this is my dad who simply tries to protect me, and who thinks hes getting to me by doing this, i'm done, he cant have this effect on me.
every parent handles their child differently.. but you know what..in the end, everything they did will make you the person you are, and one day you'll be like "dang he was such a jerk, but look how i turned out?" (:
my brother never and i mean NEVER gets in trouble for ANYTHING.. he got a ticket for not wearing a seatbelt, and i was the one driving (hes over 16, in CA the driver doesnt get the ticket) and guess who got the lecture? ME! because i should've reminded him.. uhm hes 16 its his own responsibility.. you know? my brothers been caught drinking.. he bought stuff online with my moms card and didnt tell her.. you name it.. but for me.. if i did those things i would've been punished like no other..and he just walks free.
my point is.. my parents know im doing something with my life, they know i have potential.. and my brother eh not so much. hes careless hes rude, you name it...so they push me around so much, becuase they want me to make something of myself.. they want me to reach my goals.. your parents do too. i promise.
they love you. really they do, and you know what you CANT choose your family, but you CAN choose how you're going to handle yourself and go about things they say and do. (:
be strong girl. let it go in one ear and out the other. sooner or later you'll be out doing good things for yourself with no parent constantly complaining. (:
you dad could have a lot of stress at work..parents too tend to take it out on us kids when things are getting tough at work, or with money, or bills you know?
i really hope i helped. (:
anything else please honestly, feel free to ask!
and as for the person below me.. honey that was a tad bit much about being neglected.. they give her a roof over her head, food on the table, shes got clothes on her back and education.
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Hello,
He is the reason you are on meds. He is causing you severe mental damage. STOP IT NOW!! NO one has the right to yell or scream at you much less call you idiot or anything else. You are living in an unhealthy environment and are being mentally abused!
Your mother allows it so that is neglectful. They both need serious help and you need to cry out for them if they do not get it themselves. Your father is unhappy.
I suggest reading up on a disorder called Asperger's, also maybe look into mood disorders if that doesn't describe your dad. Many men and women have this and do not even know it. Some embrace it when they find out they are not alone. There are ways of dealing with it and being a happy parent to their children. Others deny it and become even more angry at the accusation. The fact is that girls are harder to diagnose than boys.
Your dad needs help to see that you are not the cause of his unhappiness, but you are affected by it.
Ask your parents to seek serious help or you will have to move out. You cannot allow yourself to be subjected to that kind of mental abuse. Do not take it from anyone, not your dad, not your mom, not your siblings or class mates. You also do not have the right to yell at anyone either. EVEN IF THEY YELL AT YOU. Let me explain something very simple. When you let your anger take over and you start screaming, your IQ drops 30% below your normal operating range. The longer you scream the more it drops. It is important to remain calm, no matter what.
If they do not agree to seek professional help, you need to go to a safe haven, a school counselor or your local police station. You need to have them brought up on charges for mental abuse and neglect. Runaway to the police station the next time he yells and calls you names. Get away from there anyway you can. By doing this you will force them to deal with this like an adults and find a solution to this behavior from both parents.
When the Law gets involved, people tend to take it a bit more serious. Sweetheart, you are on depression meds at 16 years old. You r parents are the cause of it, not you. If you were in my household, a non screaming household, you would have no meed for mood altering drugs. A happy home produces happy children. A screaming home produces more screamers. Stop the cycle now!
Make sure that your mother is named as someone who allows the screaming and the name calling. Without her being held accountable too, there can be no real change on their part. She needs to learn how to be a mother and protect you from harm, physical and mental.
Good luck to you. If need someone to speak with you can call me or try a national hot-line if you feel better with that. My number is 818-288-3738, California. Ask for Tammy
-- STay Honest
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