|
Competitive sister!!!!
What do I do?!?!?! I have a very competitive sister that is seven whole years younger than me and wants to be better than me in all ways. It's so irritating! I play three instruments- she has to learn how to play four before she'll be satisfied. She doesn't even really care how well, just as long as she can say she plays them. We're reading books. She has to be on a chapter number ahead of me or finish the book first, never mind that mine is five times longer than hers. We're eating ice cream. She has to finish hers first and then look at me like she's just accomplished something. Grades. She has to brag about getting stright A's, even though she's only in Elementary school and I remember school never being a challenge then. When we go shopping, she has to convince our parents to buy more stuff than for me. I'm learning Spanish and I simply cannot roll my r's, but she has been able to do that for years, and it seems like she takes every opportunity to exhibit her talent in the face of my failure, grinning at her superiority all the while. This sort of thing applies to Christmas presents, money that we made over the summer, childhood pets, everything!!! The list goes on and on- I am getting so fed up with it! I'm positive that neither of us is getting any enjoyment out of this, me because I'm being distracted from the things that I want to do, and her because she's always trying to beat me. The sad thing is, I feel like she's getting special treatment. I was oly allowed to learn to play two instruments when I was her age- she can play four? I had to ride the bus every day of my education until I could drive. With one complaint about the bus on her first day of school, she gets a personal cheauffer day and night. I was made to enter cross country in school, and wasn't allowed to do what I loved (Theatre) until high school, and she is allowed to be involved in- you guessed it- more than I ever was. What is up with this?!?! I am so fed up with it, and I just want her to do her own thing and excel in that, rather than trying to beat me at everything. She's not beating me in quality, I daresay, but Everything is about numbers to her. How can I put a stop to it? I don't want to fight with her, but I feel like I could explode on her any day now.
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Families?
You can't stop it flat out. You can only ignore it.
I have three younger sisters, and they all did something like that, at some point, sometimes with me and sometimes with each other. It's normal, it's natural and it's a pain in the ass.
Try to separate that fact you think your parents are spoiling her (they probably are, and from one big sister to another, there is NOTHING you can do about it) and the fact she is competing with you.
Those problems are two, very separate problems. So don't let them get all jumbled in your mind.
It might help you out a bit to talk to your parents about how you feel like she is getting more then you were at that age. It won’t change anything, but it might help you feel a bit better to know that it is simply because they are different people and parents then they were when you were younger. That is just the curse of being the eldest; you are the one they experiment with. Sometimes that means you get things your siblings don't, other times it means you siblings get things you don't. But all it really means is that your parents changed their minds about how they feel like parenting. There is nothing you can do about that except realize it has nothing at all to do with you as a person, it’s all about their changing opinions.
The best thing you can do about the competition is ignore it, and not feed into it. There is NO reason for you tell her extra details on your life if she is only going to use them as a benchmark. There is no reason for her to know how much money you have made, or what chapter you are on in a book. When she asks or pries, try talking about the CONTENT instead of the quantitative numbers she craves. Tell her what you like, or don’t like about your job or book, and ask her to share her feelings. She will still try to compete of course, but at least that way you are inviting her to communicate, and sooner or later, she might just try it.
The last thing to remember is that ‘your thing’ might turn out to be her thing too. I ended up going to university for Theatre, and so did my sister. Turns out what I thought was ‘My Thing’ was very much ‘Our Thing’ and instead of competing over it, now we get to communicate about it, collaborate and share.
Remember that is the end goal. So keep shutting down the competition. Keep ignoring it. Refusing to give her the information, and walking away from it. But keep talking to her too. Someday she will probably catch on that she can learn a lot from you if she would only stop competing with you.
]
More Questions: |